Gears of War 2 isn’t the kind of game that’s going to win ten shitloads (or even one shitload) of awards for its story and. I’m sure you agree with me. It’s a perfectly reasonable statement, backed up a gag (that’s still new and original!) about one the best lines of dialogue ever said by anybody anywhere. I mean, when the one of better plot points involves the somewhat interesting death of a nonewhat interesting character who you have no investment in what so ever and if it was a screenplay that he would be called ‘dude who looks gets attacked by elite-looking thing’, then you know you’re in for a story worth hiding from anybody who you think may value your opinion.
Still, I can’t help but thinking that Gears is being a little too harshly treated. Looking at it for what it truly is- a bromance (oh god, I hate that that term, but it perfectly describes it) between Marcus and Dom- it succeeds in pretty much every category. Yeah, it’s not going to win whatever irreverent award videogames are backing as being ‘this year’s Oscars’ but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad story. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s good- maybe even verging on great- story.
Now before I go any further, let me make something clear; No, I haven’t just moved into a trailer surrounded by Two and a Half Men DVD’s. But it’s fun to slum sometimes- just ask Guy Ritchie (I’m here all week!), and Gears is the virtual equivalent of the Material Girl.
Here’s the thing. We’re humans, and we like to make reason and find themes in things that we don’t understand fully. Take me for instance, I’m convinced that every girl that’s every smiled at me has loved me, even though it’s probably not true. Or you for instance, you’ve probably taken that fact to mean that I have insane social problems, when in reality I’m just so good looking I just assume that girls want to have sex with me.
I could keep going, but I’ll just get to the point: To realty enjoy Gears of War II I had to stop looking for themes.
See, when you ignore whatever real world conflicts Epic was trying to include in the game (wait a second, so is it the locusts or the humans that are meant to represent America?) and treat it as the videogame of equivalent of a buddy movie, then Gears of War is fucking awesome. Ten. Shitloads. Of. Awesome.
What makes it work are the way that story and gameplay are so closely related. There are never any questions about what exactly what you’re doing/why exactly you’re doing it/ yeah I guess it’s cute but would a 300 pound black dude really use the word ‘horsey’ multiple times?
. If Gears had been a scattered mess of missions that didn’t really work together and had no real story tying them together, then Marcus and company would have been laughably one dimensional. You’d be laughing you would. Instead the story plays out like a crazy homo-erotic roadtrip with four all American (or it’s planetary equivalent) dudes who are opening a can of whoop ass on the ugliest things alive (technically Stevie Nicks is classified as dead, so my point is valid.)
It’s the videogame equivalent of Tango and Cash, and when it’s not in an Xbox 360 you can probably find it drinking whiskey with Charles Bukowski and not smiling at girls even though they’re crazy about them (OMG! Is Marcus made of stone? Show that girl your pearly whites!)
That’s not to say that it’s only worth liking Gears of War II ironically because:
1- That doesn’t even make sense
2- Liking things ‘ironically’ isn’t even liking something, it’s the cultural equivalent of sleeping with a fat girl because all the hot girls have left, but you could like, totally get them if they were still here.
3- Nobody likes people who like things ironically, not even ironically.
All I’m saying is that it’s best to turn your brain off while you play Gears. All I’m saying is that it’s best to play Gears 2 drunk. You can cheer when you’re killing, cry during the two moments when the game really succeeds (you know them both) and forget that Epic is trying to tell you something important.
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