Sorry.

Happy Anzac day. To celebrate the day I decided to let my war veteran grandfather out of his chains. Just kidding, that’s Christmas Day and Christmas Day only

No, but I heard Kevin Rudd celebrated by tipping a NY stripper with two one dollar coins.

So, the Russian paper the Moskovsky Korrespondent has been suspended. Great, so now where do I get stock tips from? I’ll tell you, there’ll be riots on the Moscow streets if they don’t get their Archie fix

No, but Vladimir Putin says the suspension it has nothing to with them breaking the story about him marrying a 22 year strippers. Yeah, I’m sure it was the other creepy old dude marrying a 22 year old who caused it. I hate that guy

Putin criticized those in the media with ‘snooping noses’ creating ‘erotic fantasies’ about his relationship. Yeah, because most other Head of State/Ex Stripper relations are totally platonic.

Eh, I guess it’s easy to be Put-in if if Put-out (Hi-Yo!)

No, but over in Australia, there’s a big controversy over Poker Machines being created in an ‘Xbox Style’ to appeal to generation Y. So I thinking, what, they break after fifteen minutes of playtime?

Scarlett Johansson has criticized Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan for making unoriginal music, in a comment eerily similar to one said by Tom Waits a couple of months earlier (see what I did there?).

Supporters say that Kevin Rudd should be applauded for the 2020 summit, unfortunately anyone who would want to applaud is still busy slapping themselves on the back

No, but that terrible swimmer Nick D’arcy, he says that he’s still hopeful about competing in the Beijing Olympics. I’m thinking Gee, I didn’t know that Qantas flew out of Dreamworld.

No, but on April 21^st Hilary Clinton said that –if elected- she would ‘Obliterate’ Iran if they attacked Israel. Okay then, don’t schedule any meetings between the 20^th and the end of the month with her if she’s elected.

Kanye West has separated from his longtime fiancée Alexis Phifer. Publicists said that West could no longer go on loving two people- so it was either suicide or dump her.

Jessica Alba was ‘declared’ third sexiest woman in the world by bastion of intellect FHM, proving once and for all, guys don’t care about what’s on the inside.

Blake Lively was ninth, meaning that FHM’s demographic must have a thing for Gossip Girl and the Travelling Pants series. Which kind of raises one question… why haven’t I subscribed?

Recently it’s been reported that airplanes have been requesting emergency landings in New York because they’re running of fumes, and I’m thinking, hey, there’s a place for Hilarys campaign.

EA this week announced that Monopoly for the Xbox 360, kind of fitting since….oh wait, that’s too easy, even me for me…

In other videogame news, Sony announced that the online game Home has been delayed again. Unfortunatly for gamers, this comes at the same as the cancellation of it’s precursor, Life. ahahaha.

In other news, it was announced that China has as many internet users as the United States. Even more impressive considering that the Chinese can only access three sites.

Wyclef Jean today lashed out at a journalist who confused him with Will.I.Am. How rude, I wish that nice Fergie would teach him some respect.

A Notebook has been revealed that shows that Phar Lap may have been poisoned by homemade horse potions. Also included is the secret recipe that keep Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair so soft.

In slightly more disturbing news, it was announced that a Pedophile will be get out of jail six years early. That’s kind of ironic considering that he got in about six years early as well.

Thank you and good night.

Top ten policies to come out of the 2020 Summit

10: New Tax breaks to be introduced, easing pressure on financially stressed X-men

9. Outlining of plans to break stranglehold of the powerful Vegemite lobby.

8. Finally, an investigation into the widespread Referee corruption in Gladiators.. .

7. …And just what’s happening between those McDreamy and Meredith on Gray’s…

6. No Number Six- Writer busy looking at Kristen Bells Breasts. Forgetting Sara Marshall opens in cinemas this Thursday people.

5. Intention to form a committee to discuss the relevance of convening a board who will appoint representatives to form a summit to pointlessly discuss pointless things that nobody cares about.

4. New rules mean that all Ministers must now have a zany catchphrase.

3. Motion to change Chaser’s comedy status from ‘irreverent’ to ‘irrelevant’.

2. Inquest into Film Academys continued lack of recognition for Bob Dylan Impersonators.

1. New bill to fine blogs that shamelessly ape their idols. I mean, am I even trying anymore?

Now that Ms Winehouse is involved, here are some suggestions for Bond Titles.

From Columbia with love.

Also, From Rehab With Love

Dr? No!

For you Hive Only (It's starting to go downhill....)

Tabloids Never Lie

Quelling of Songstress

The Heroin Addict Who Loved Me

Okay, so I should have given up after two. But it's Saturday Night, I have nothing better to write.

We've Seen The Last/ Of Good Kind Richard.

Okay, so I’ll admit, one thing I have succeeded in is making this blog reasonably whine free. That is, until now. See this week has sucked. Sucked like a hooker with a Squishie. So sucky that I can’t even properly think of a proper hooker analogy, the handjob of the analogy business (hey, I did do one after all!).

See it all started with my Roman Calendar Dyslexia, a phenomenon that somehow makes me read Monday as Friday (Oh and 2000 as 1200). Hence, Thursday night at 6pm, my already dubious writing skills where given six hours to fashion something legible out my thoughts on Political Economy and Videogames. It lead to Thursday being the first day in the year where didn’t played guitar. Not even the ‘Hells Bell’s’ riff, nothing at all.

Yeah I failed. Also, I lied. It didn’t start on Thursday night. It actually started when my computer craps on Wednesday night. Needs a new power supply. BAM, my money is gone, but hey at least I still have no iPod for music right? Nope, because the very next night, it decides –whilst I’m innocently uploading a New Pornographers CD- to delete all of music. But whatever right, I’ve got the music backed up, and all I have to re-install the firmware right? No again (there’s a pattern emerging here!), because for some explicable reason it won’t find it.

Cue hilarious one sided conversations between myself and the computer

Me: What do you mean you can’t find it? It’s right there in the FUCKING FOLDER.

Computer: *Stony Silence*

Me: I hate your kind so much.

Anyway, it eventually gets fixed through some nerdy cmd typing, and all is well again. It’s Friday, Sparkling Apple Juice is at hand, and I feel like listening to Steely Fucking Dan talking about Pop Culture things.

See, this week I broke my Graphic Novel/Comic/Call it whatever you want I’m a nerd and I’m not in denial Cherry and read Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid In The Universe. Chris Ware is simultaneously the most cold hearted and hilarious writer whose parchment I’ve ever had the pleasure of perusing. He’s the master of giving hope and then cruelly plucking it away again (well, actually God is the best at that).

I’m certainly not a connoisseur of the art, but I can’t appreciating the Ware uses the page to perfection- it’s a brilliant feeling to look at the page for five minutes than realize ‘Oh, that’s what’s going on’…The way he communicates the story is simply brilliant.

The thing that resonated with me most (apart from the fact that it was one of the greatest media experiences of my life) is how it took for Comics to get to this. I don’t want to get into an art/commerce debate (plus I’m sure that some prior comic books could be considered just as moving as Corrigan) but the fact that it took them 70 odd years to get this far makes me worried about videogames. Am I going to live long enough to see an interactive experience on
par with Mr Corrigan?

In an odd Six Degrees kind of coincidence, I also watched The Savages. Not only is the poster artwork done by Chris Ware, but the story feels like a second cousin to Corrigan. Depressingly reassuring, writer Tamara Jenkins seems to know that we’re going to die horrible unfulfilling deaths. Dealing with issues of family, failed dreams and just general misery, it (again) leads me to saying “Why” when the words “Diablo Cody” and ‘Screenplay Oscar’ in the same sentence. I mean, this was a 2007 movie...

Oh, and is going to sound odd (considering that she’s exactly twice my age), but Laura Linney is effing cute. So cute that when I’m middle aged to want to develop a painkiller addiction with her character.

The room where I spend much of my time is falling apart*. It’s messy, generally has at least two of the food groups somewhere within it, and is, and is the sleeping place of one (at least, there may be more) cat.

Although that negative lead in may have convinced you otherwise, I’ve always kind of liked my room, it’s homely- it’s the nicest possible way.

After (eventually, and slowly) competing Condemned 2: Bloodshot, I’ve started to like it a whole lot more. See, Condemned is a dirty, decrepit, horrible game; I’d rather spend time in Britney Spears (still a joke!) than any more the world that Monolith have created.

To be honest, that’s not really their fault, they’ve succeeded a crafting a good game. It’s just a game that’s not particularly enjoyable to experience. It appeals to the part of our brain that finds entertainment in the in the macabre and distressing; It’s why Schindler’s List is considered brilliant, or that Eli Roth somehow continues to have money to eat.

The main character, Ethan, looks like Sam Fischer with a pigment problem. He’s been kicked from the Police Force for a drinking problem, and now has the admirable occupation of ‘Barfly’. Eventually you’re called back to ‘advise’ the Police on a murder, and as it goes with videogame plotlines, you continue investigating murders and beating speed addicts with 2 by 4s (and eventually get chased by a bear).

At it’s heart, Condemned 2 is an adventure game. It’s one that had has high level of testosterone (and allows for creative use of vices and heads), but it’s still an adventure game. There are few guns throughout, and most of them aren’t that useful. In fact, most of the time you’ll be using your fists and - in the case of the case of investigation sections- your brain.

Sadly, it also shares many of the faults that plagued recent efforts in the genre. Like last generations Fahrenheit (or Indigo Prophecy) the story really starts to lose it towards the end. Whilst the game flirts with paranormal themes throughout, the last –say, third- one the game loses any semblance of reality. Although it’ll be interesting to see how Monolith continues their crazy conspiracy/monster/ monster conspiracy storyline, it’s a shame that it couldn’t have stayed more granted in its influences. The games grimy aesthetic is steeped in inspiration from David Fincher’s Se7en, and it’s the best aspect of the game. The levels –especially the realistic ones- are darkly atmospheric (one even having the creepy Art Deco aesthetic of Bioshock) and give the impression of a city gone straight to hell.

Oh, and my fucking new CSN CD wouldn’t copy to my computer properly.

Oh (again), if you haven’t heard

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2008/04/ashley_tisdale_hoping_to_top_t.php

Unpopular High Schooler Eh? I’m certainly available to help her if she needs research for

the role…

*Okay, so I’m overemphasizing.

Eight things I think now I finally saw Cloverfield

1: The acting was good. Then again, how hard is it for annoyingly attractive annoying Abercrombie models to act whiny and serf serving?

2: The Whole ‘Monster of mystery’ thing was pretty well handled, barring one of the most gratuitous money shots ever. Seriously, I expected it to reel off the url for some obscure porn site afterwards.

3: With all the influence that J.J Abrams pulls from videogames, you think he could make the ones he lends his IP’s to not suck…

4: Speaking of which, I didn’t feel motion sick at all.

Videogames! Finally they’re doing something for me other then ruining my skin and social skills!

5: Mountain Dew.

6:. A couple of times I just wished that the view would shift a little to the left. This, surprisingly enough, was indicative of what was good about the film: The Script and Direction made the film wonderfully claustrophobic.

7: Hudd? HUD? He’s controlling everything! How subliminally witty.

Am I an idiot and everyone else knew this ages ago?

8: Good to know that there’s still room for moody monologues and exposition whilst New York is under attack from a giant monster.

Gah.

Yeah, if you feel the need to look, then please click on it. You know, for all it's glory.

Panic at The Disco ! (The exclamation mark is becasue I'm excited)

Pop music isn’t really a place where the phrase ‘Blessing disguised at a curse’ is often applicable. No matter how much things may seem like they’re unfair, if you’re a pop star then you still probably have it better than the rest of us underpant wearing schmucks.

Take Panic at the Disco for example. Their blessing/ curse came when Myspace, the perennial hangout of 13 years and men-wishing-they-were-13-year-olds, and Fallout Boy (a bunch of men acting like 13 year olds) launched the band to relative fame. Assuming that teenage bedroom walls are a valid form of communication, then you couldn’t walk (or surreptitiously hide under any beds) without equating their synth heavy music and pseudo-androgyny to some kind of zeitgeist forming scream (or whine...)

After reflecting on Pretty Odd, it’s unfortunate that their first effort A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, had all the artistic integrity of a super group that comprises of the members from Milli Vannelli and early Monkees. But if there was ever a curse that involved large bagfuls of money and legions of screaming (although sadly not legal…) teenage girls, then Panic at the Disco must have been smited by every Witch North of…wherever witches don’t live.

A record inspired by the (sometimes) convention blind pop music of the 1960’s, their 2007 effort, Pretty Odd opens with Do You Know What I’m Seeing?; at song that feels like as much a nihilist take on Why Does It Always Rain On Me? as it is a homage to Sgt Peppers and Pet Sounds.

The Wilson/Lennon love continues throughout the CD, blending them with more modern baroque elements.

Not all the songs sound owe their genesis to those two bands. She’s A Handsome Woman sounds like a Kinks track from way back, and I Have Friends In Holy Space feels a little like Sinatra (a little...). Folkin’ Around- a detour that it’s as unexpected as it is a misnomer (that is Country, thank you very much…)-has an intricate –and sweet- feel that belies the bands inexperience in song writing.. The confessional lyrics are at their most piercing, and the Nashville theme suits the mood, as Brandon Urie reminisces over lost summer loves.

If anything, it feels like Panic at the Disco are trying to stuff a cacophony of ideas into a CD that’s too early in their career. It’s obvious that the band loves the Beatles opus’ Sgt Peppers (although the drummer isn’t writing any surprisingly good songs), but that was one of the original fab fours final records. They had been together for over half a dozen albums when they released that.

In contrast, the members of Panic are only 20 years old- almost too young to grow the beard that they ponder cutting off in the long winded The Piano Knows Something That I Don’t.
Occasionally it feels like the band puts more work into song titles than songwritingy, which is certainly decent (and a vast improvement over Fever. Lyrics range from musing on the effects of fame (The Green Gentleman) to the landlocked and plainspoken Northern Downpour.

It’s easy to accuse Panic of doing a ‘Mayer’; getting into the public zeitgeist –and creating a formidable fan base- with a radio friendly album, then reverting to what they originally wanted to do.

Unlike Mayer, they may not be able to find a new audience, as it’s feasible that this CD is going to be as appealing as being Judas Iscariot with Leprosy. Anybody who endured passing snippets of their first album (or worse, didn’t endure anything and just jumped onto the already careening bandwagon) is going to automatically disregard this CD. The spate of emotion shadowing the band belies their true strength; their ability to write catchy, melodically pleasing pop songs.