Sorry.

Happy Anzac day. To celebrate the day I decided to let my war veteran grandfather out of his chains. Just kidding, that’s Christmas Day and Christmas Day only

No, but I heard Kevin Rudd celebrated by tipping a NY stripper with two one dollar coins.

So, the Russian paper the Moskovsky Korrespondent has been suspended. Great, so now where do I get stock tips from? I’ll tell you, there’ll be riots on the Moscow streets if they don’t get their Archie fix

No, but Vladimir Putin says the suspension it has nothing to with them breaking the story about him marrying a 22 year strippers. Yeah, I’m sure it was the other creepy old dude marrying a 22 year old who caused it. I hate that guy

Putin criticized those in the media with ‘snooping noses’ creating ‘erotic fantasies’ about his relationship. Yeah, because most other Head of State/Ex Stripper relations are totally platonic.

Eh, I guess it’s easy to be Put-in if if Put-out (Hi-Yo!)

No, but over in Australia, there’s a big controversy over Poker Machines being created in an ‘Xbox Style’ to appeal to generation Y. So I thinking, what, they break after fifteen minutes of playtime?

Scarlett Johansson has criticized Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan for making unoriginal music, in a comment eerily similar to one said by Tom Waits a couple of months earlier (see what I did there?).

Supporters say that Kevin Rudd should be applauded for the 2020 summit, unfortunately anyone who would want to applaud is still busy slapping themselves on the back

No, but that terrible swimmer Nick D’arcy, he says that he’s still hopeful about competing in the Beijing Olympics. I’m thinking Gee, I didn’t know that Qantas flew out of Dreamworld.

No, but on April 21^st Hilary Clinton said that –if elected- she would ‘Obliterate’ Iran if they attacked Israel. Okay then, don’t schedule any meetings between the 20^th and the end of the month with her if she’s elected.

Kanye West has separated from his longtime fiancée Alexis Phifer. Publicists said that West could no longer go on loving two people- so it was either suicide or dump her.

Jessica Alba was ‘declared’ third sexiest woman in the world by bastion of intellect FHM, proving once and for all, guys don’t care about what’s on the inside.

Blake Lively was ninth, meaning that FHM’s demographic must have a thing for Gossip Girl and the Travelling Pants series. Which kind of raises one question… why haven’t I subscribed?

Recently it’s been reported that airplanes have been requesting emergency landings in New York because they’re running of fumes, and I’m thinking, hey, there’s a place for Hilarys campaign.

EA this week announced that Monopoly for the Xbox 360, kind of fitting since….oh wait, that’s too easy, even me for me…

In other videogame news, Sony announced that the online game Home has been delayed again. Unfortunatly for gamers, this comes at the same as the cancellation of it’s precursor, Life. ahahaha.

In other news, it was announced that China has as many internet users as the United States. Even more impressive considering that the Chinese can only access three sites.

Wyclef Jean today lashed out at a journalist who confused him with Will.I.Am. How rude, I wish that nice Fergie would teach him some respect.

A Notebook has been revealed that shows that Phar Lap may have been poisoned by homemade horse potions. Also included is the secret recipe that keep Sarah Jessica Parker’s hair so soft.

In slightly more disturbing news, it was announced that a Pedophile will be get out of jail six years early. That’s kind of ironic considering that he got in about six years early as well.

Thank you and good night.