Note to self: You are not in The Wire, stop using the word 'Police' as a noun.

So, I’m walking along, thinking about why I always open uninteresting stories with ‘so’ and wondering how I can sneak onto Australian Idol and trick that cute redhead into loving me when I notice the new issue of Rolling Stone. Considering I was in a newsagent, this wasn’t a surprise. After all, Rolling Stone is a magazine, and newsagents regularly stock magazines. Truth be told, I was attending the newsagents that day to purchase a magazine. But that was a couple of seconds ago, now I have to somehow indicate my distaste for Rolling Stone before I can move on with my day. Just as I began to raise my lips into my best impression of a condescending smirk, I notice the cover.

Since I can’t find the cover on the internet, I’ll supply you with my recreation:



(said recreation, along with snarky comment)


And my reaction to seeing it.


.001 Seconds: Hmmm,. Maybe if I told her I was an A&R for a record company or something….Hey it’s the new issue of Rolling Stone, what a crock! Allow me to create a dismissive smirk, indicating my distaste for the publication what has never done anything to me.

.005 Seconds: Now, with my eyebrows properly raised, let me use my lips to create aforementioned dismissive smirk….Wait a second, is that Zooey Deshenal (name butchered due to laziness), the She from She and Him? Holy shit, is Rolling Stone’s credibility restored?

.072 Seconds: Now Sam, stop looking deeply into her deep blue eyes, you need to buy this magazine and read about She and Him. Wait a minute, what if the balding newsagent reads my blog? He’ll laugh me out of the store for buying a magazine that I constantly bag. Hmmm, perhaps a plan is in order…

1.29 Seconds: Damnit Sam, I told you to stop looking at her eyes. You need a plan. Maybe you should read the accompanying text. After all, now that they have Zooey on the cover, who knows what they else they’ll have. Maybe an interview with Mark Kozelenk. Or a guide to spelling his last name properly. Or a guide to tricking cute redheads on Australian Idol into liking yo….HEY WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, THAT’S KATY PERRY! What a fucking crock.

1.42 Seconds: Hey, I haven’t blogged in a while, maybe this could be an amusing anecdote. Damnit, Katy fucking Perry. Damn her and her Cherry Chapstick. .13 seconds later and I still can’t believe it.