I don't say this expecting presents, or sympathy, or ill will, or anything else that you may care to throw my way. If anything, I say it to drill the fucking fact into my head.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that we celebrate mediocrity*, I just hate it when it's my mediocrity that the attention is being drawn to.
I mean, in another year I'm almost going to be into of my very early mid 20's**, and that scares the holy living shit out me. People around me are having kids, something that I acknowledge with an equal mix of awe, respect and an emotion that I playfully call 'petrified beyond all fucking belief'
People are doing and achieving things, and I have nothing better to do than wonder how ugly Frances Mcdormand feels in this picture.
I mean, I'm not gay, but Jesus Christ, that's George fucking Clooney**.
Anyway, my point is, tonight more than usual, I feel inadequate beyond belief.
After all, after being on the planet for approximately the same time as me:
-From anecdotal evidence, most people have graduated University.
-Eric Clapton had been in both the Yardbirds and Cream, who where about to release Disraeli Gears, one of the most important CD's on the 21st century. Of course, he was also a superstar in his own right, and only had that Layla riff going through his head at around this time.
Sorry, I just need a moment for this to set in: Clapton was my age when he wrote Tales of Brave Ulysses. Fucking hell, I doubt I could play that shit.
-Ryan Adams had written Houses on the Hill, a song that, for around two and a half months this year, was the most brilliant song I'd ever heard. Of course, he didn't know who Robert Christiagu was, so at least I have something on him
-Duane Allman was almost dead when he was 22.
-Bruce Springsteen released Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J. Which you know, only had Spirit in the Night on Side Two. Nothing special there sir.
-Lindsay Lohan kissed a number of girls that is exponentially higher that of which I could achieve. (Boys Lisa! Girls kiss Boys!)
-Conor Orberst had hair that I could only dream of. He also wrote Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground. A CD that deserves more recognition outside of teenage girls.
Things that I achieved whilst being 21:
-Wrote around two dozen exceptionally bad songs that deal with depression, resignation and disillusionment, which are all perfectly healthy things for someone my age to be actively pontificating on. I'm not sure if I said it yet, but these things are fucking bad.
I heard that one of them was hanging out with Tara Reid, and Tara was getting the 'come hither' looks.
They're so bad that playing them loudly gets rid of the whole monster problem in Cloverfield.
They're so bad that they were accepted to play on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack
-I write the funniest blog in my family. Quite an achievement considering that:
a) I cannot write.
b) I am not funny.
-Submitted three quotes to Zachbraffquotes.com (whatever happened to that?), which at the time of writing stand at 83, 118, and I'd rather not discuss the last one. But it's doing okay...
-Managed to do exceedingly stupid things a lot. a lot
-Realized that for a chick who sings about 'smoking him in bed' that Jenny Lewis is surprisingly strict about restraining orders.
-That said restraining orders to do not apply to mail or web cams.
-Didn't have the energy to think of funny things for this list.
*Without such a philosophy the French wouldn't have Bastille Day. ZING!
**This is admittedly an exceedingly odd statement, but one that I mean seriously. It's also what John Mayer was walking about in Why Georgia, which again, makes we wonder about my priorities when I have nothing better to do than quasi-quote John Mayer on some piece of shit blog.
***Or should I say: but George Clooney, That's George fucking Clooney.
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