Questions I asked myself while watching the new John Mayer: Where the Light is DVD

-Do I really want the internet to know about my love of John Mayer?

-Do I realize that admitting my love of John Mayer is probably one of the least embarrassing things I’ve ever done?

-Will I ever be able to play Neon one tenth as well as this guy does?

-Why am I watching some overwrought white dude sing Tom Petty songs on the television? Don’t I usually do that in the mirror?

-Speaking of which. I wish I could like Mayer’s cover of Freefallin, but something about it isn't quite right.

-Ugh. Waiting on the World to Change. I’m gunna skip this chapter. In a second. In a second. After this chorus. In a second. Damn you John Mayer and your catchy melodies.

-Can I pay two dudes to back me up while I play indulgent solos?

-Speaking of which, what’s with John's stage ignorance of Pino Palladino? Is there beef in the trio?

The loneliest man on stage. Look at that poor face!

-Is it concerning that I’ve seen John Mayer’s orgasm face more time that Jennifer Aniston. Speaking of which, AWKWARD.

-Don’t worry though John. I’ve done some revisionist photoshopping:

-You know, the only way I think John Mayer could be anymore white was if he was accompanied everywhere by a small dog, a la Paris Hilton.

-Oh…

-Not so much a question, but judging by the self-righteousness of his audience banter, I think it’s clear where Mr Mayer thinks the light is. ZING.

-OMG. John Mayer uses his finger on the Low E! What a hack!

-Why aren’t I John Mayer? Damnit, life isn’t fair.