Be it good or bad, it's a fact that in our cultural landscape the image of a celebrity greatly outweights what personal stories they may have, and
in the average biography, it's generally a bet that the myth is going to outweigh the man.
Autumn De Wilde brings a human face to one of the most underappreciated and misunderstood songwriters of the 20th century, with none of the hyperbole that accompanies most writing about Smith (or any musican for that matter).
De Wilde, perhaps becasue of her close relationship with Smith, focuses on the good times of Smith's life, telling the story through both her own photographs and interviews with close assosiates and family. Although the interviews are informal and generally interesting, many subjects are rehashed, and despite never meeting Smith, Death Cab for Cutie's Ben Gibbard and Chris Walla feature prominantly.
The books skirts around the darker days of Smith (which seemed to be a formible chunk of time), and barring glaning references, and a resigned acceptance of the fact at the end. In fact, you could be forgiven for not realising that Smith actually deeply hurt many of the people featured in the interviews.
It's best to think of Elliott Smith as a eulogy, rather than an informative biography, as the majority of time is dedicated to the period of time between the time that De Wilde and Smith met, and their parting of ways (which is never fully explained, in keeping with the books theme of avoiding hostility). Similary, the photos, although interesting, are stuck in the Figure 8 period, with no photos indicating that Smith lived before (or after) the CD.
It's really a book for people who like Elliott Smith, who downloaded the Basement Demos, and not something like say, the recent Eric Clapton autobiography which is appropriate for someone who is a casual Clapton fan.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Bruckheimer-MTV Deal Announced
Bruckheimer-MTV Deal Announced
Totilo's Money Hat in Post
In a move sure to excite Red Barrels- and terrify accompanying enemies- Jerry Bruckheimer, the man widely credited for in inventing the explosion, announced his foray into videogames today. Although previously staying clear of videogames, Bruckheimer credits the graphics of the next generation of videogame consoles- particularly the Microsoft Xbox 360 and Sony Playststation 3- for convincing to sign a US $500 Million partnership with MTV. 'Before this time videogame consoles really couldn't do justice to the level of carnage and destruction that I typically put my name to, thus I avoided them like Christopher Walken should have avoided Kangaroo Jack', said Bruckheimer , speaking for his plush Los Angeles home.
Although coy as to what exactly his exact role would entail, it seems likely that it will entail little more than copious use of his name and heavily filled bags of money, a role that he has enjoyed throughout his 'career'. He was similarly shy about revealing exactly games would be developed, although rumors abound that the first games will be 2-d Platformers, considering that the last time either MTV or Mr Bruckheimer was relevant was around 1992.
The other chemical in this volitile mix, MTV, was more open to questions about the deal, in paticular espousing the value of Bruckheimer in MTV's growth in the videogames industry to EA like proportions, suggesting that MTV are interested in ruining media spheres other than music television.
Bruckheimer began his career in 1970, before hurtling to fame after directing an art house retrospective on the nature of inexplicably exploding objects , and has produced several Oscar winning films, including Bad Boys, it's critically acclaimed sequel, and the heart wrenchingly poignant Armageddon, in which Brice Willis professed his love to an asteroid.
MTV, after originally having origins as a music video station, has recently branched out into videogames -like the successful inadequacy machine Rock Band- and strangely arousing pseudo-reality shows.
Note: I feel like an asshole now, as I totally love Stephen Totilo (enough to correctly spell his last name) and that money hat line was out of order. Also, the Prince of Persia movie sounds awesome, in theory. In theory.
Totilo's Money Hat in Post
In a move sure to excite Red Barrels- and terrify accompanying enemies- Jerry Bruckheimer, the man widely credited for in inventing the explosion, announced his foray into videogames today. Although previously staying clear of videogames, Bruckheimer credits the graphics of the next generation of videogame consoles- particularly the Microsoft Xbox 360 and Sony Playststation 3- for convincing to sign a US $500 Million partnership with MTV. 'Before this time videogame consoles really couldn't do justice to the level of carnage and destruction that I typically put my name to, thus I avoided them like Christopher Walken should have avoided Kangaroo Jack', said Bruckheimer , speaking for his plush Los Angeles home.
Although coy as to what exactly his exact role would entail, it seems likely that it will entail little more than copious use of his name and heavily filled bags of money, a role that he has enjoyed throughout his 'career'. He was similarly shy about revealing exactly games would be developed, although rumors abound that the first games will be 2-d Platformers, considering that the last time either MTV or Mr Bruckheimer was relevant was around 1992.
The other chemical in this volitile mix, MTV, was more open to questions about the deal, in paticular espousing the value of Bruckheimer in MTV's growth in the videogames industry to EA like proportions, suggesting that MTV are interested in ruining media spheres other than music television.
Bruckheimer began his career in 1970, before hurtling to fame after directing an art house retrospective on the nature of inexplicably exploding objects , and has produced several Oscar winning films, including Bad Boys, it's critically acclaimed sequel, and the heart wrenchingly poignant Armageddon, in which Brice Willis professed his love to an asteroid.
MTV, after originally having origins as a music video station, has recently branched out into videogames -like the successful inadequacy machine Rock Band- and strangely arousing pseudo-reality shows.
Note: I feel like an asshole now, as I totally love Stephen Totilo (enough to correctly spell his last name) and that money hat line was out of order. Also, the Prince of Persia movie sounds awesome, in theory. In theory.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Musical Class of 2007.
At this moment I'm reading the Rolling Stone 100 Top Songs of the Year, and around half of the eight entries I've so far read have had some snide fucking political comment in them.
Okay, so I'm now twelve songs in and the ratio is the same. They even stooped to putting John Fogerty in there. All due respect to him and all, when the fuck was the last time anyone mentioned him?
Seriously, the Wolowitz doctrine ,that they all hate so much, is more innocuous and subtle than Rolling Stone and it's damn agenda. Okay, we get it, you hate Bush.
Anyway, it's worth noting that I haven't listened to all the CD's that I've wanted to this year, Iron and Wine and Springsteen are the first that spring to mind, although there's probably dozen more kicking about.
Elliott Smith- New Moon
Elliott Smith and a guitar, much like Ashley Tisdale and a short pair of shorts, was/is the perfect merging of person and object. (Although whilst Mr Smith’s life was cut short, Ms Tisdale’s choice of garment cannot be cut short enough! ZING!).
At times it feels that everything that Mr Smith touched at that time turned into gold. Alcohol tainted gold perhaps, but gold nonetheless.
Before the Ocsars, the multi-layered pop records and eventual death, Elliott Smith was just an incredibly talented musician with a guitar, and that is what New Moon demonstrates. Whilst his influence in every mopey songwriter since is clearly evident, his influences are as not as easy to pin down. Whilst the Beatles are an obvious candidate, they never did acoustic quite this well. Same case lyrically, as no one had ever quite captured the poigant honestly and betrayal of Smith, before Smith.
Okay, so maybe it's easy to see why a few of the tracks where left unreleased for a decade, but others like Placeholder, See You Later and Angel in the Snow deserve a release, as they are among his (already crowded) highlights reel.
In nothing else, this CD is a reminder that we're probably not going to see such a gifted musican again during our lifetime.
Grade: High Distinction
Rilo Kiley- Under The Blacklight
Someone, I'm not sure who, remarked somewhere (I'm not sure where either) that Under the Blacklight was Rilo Kiley's attempt at selling out. Although I generally hate that term, I actually kind of agree with it in this case (and judging by the fact 'Dreamworld' was playing during one of my rare trips to Burger King, so do other people).
Many of the tracks are a departure from their 'traditional' sound, although to be fair all their CD's have been kind of eclectic, so I'm certainly not going to accuse them of anything nefarious, only of ungoing yet another crazy revamp.
Although their previous albums where great (in fact better then UTBL)the reason I love this is because, as every music publication screams every two seconds, this CD sounds like Fleetwood Mac. Or more specifically: Fleetwood Mac when Fleetwood Mac wasn't a bunch of backstabbing and ugly geriatrics.
Yep, Fleetwood Mac=Rilo Kiley was this years version of Zeppelin=Wolfmother, only this time the imitator had the chops to back it up, as the best tracks on every UTBL exude Witchnaddness*.
That being said, I'd hate for this to came off as me loving a CD just because it kind of resembles another band, as UTBL is kind of a musical Charmelon, and snuggled in amongst Rilo Kiley stables are songs that range from Rap (Dejalo) to Bluesly (and Creepy) sounding numbers (15).
*Inexplicably, the word to describe the musical effects of wearing a Witches hat does not exist, so I had to make do.
Grade: High Distinction
Bright Eyes- Cassadaga
If 2007 was the year that Jenny Lewis summoned Steve Nicks, then it was also the year that Conor Orberst grew up. Well kind of anyway. Whilst he still may enjoy cascading hecklers with water, Cassadaga showed a growth in maturity. No more 7 minute angst-fests, this time it felt like the work of somebody whose come to terms that the world blows, and how he was trying to deal with said blowiness. Of course, it was still a Bright Eyes record, and as such included the staple nihilism, resignation and other happy emotions, but now it felt like things might get better. Think of it as like leaving rehab (pure speculation on my part)
In addition to sounding more 'grown up', songs like Four Winds, Clense Song and I must Belong Somewhere improved and solidified on the Alt-Country sound from I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning, thus making thousands of teenage girls gradual slide into loving The Jayhawks inevitable.
Oh, and of course, no matter how much he's grown, it's not a Bright Eyes record without a song about a slutty girl.
Grade: Distinction
Ryan Adams: Easy Tiger
After listening to Easy Tiger, it's easy to see why this wasn't labeled as a 'Cardianals' inclusive CD. This is a personal CD, perfectly exemplified by the lonely acoustic guitar prevalent through a good portion of the songs, the best of which could have been off of a Whiskeytown release
As if the solo sentiment wasn't already obvious, it's rammed down our proverbial throats by Easy Tigers swan song (and highlight) I Taught Myself How to Grow. Still, there are still some tracks that show a heavier side, the obvious choice being Halloween Head, extra points given for the braggadocio inspired 'Guitar Solo' announcement.
A fitting announcement, considering that the jangly guitar tracks are the most enjoyable, and in addition demonstrate Adam's aptitude at writing a fine guitar track, a talent that hadn't been ultilised enough in his previous solo work.
If I was to say that Easy Tiger was solid, then it would be a simple statement of fact rather then an indictment or expression of apathy. It's a bad word to sum up a great CD, but it's the best that springs to mind. Rather then a CD of songs that are loosely related, like 29, this is a record that shows Adam's versatility, with each song being a departure from the other, yet still having a cohesive place within the album. The songs themselves feel well put together, a compliment considering that a number of record in Adam's catalogue don't have the best ratio of good to bad songs.
Grade: Distinction
Band Of Horses:Cease To Begin
I'll admit, I'm asking for the late pass on this one, as I only heard it a couple of weeks ago. As such, my opinion may be tinged by that giddy feeling (otherwise known as happiness at something, a feeling that I don't think the poor old fellows of Band of Horses get too often. They ought to happy though, as they've made one of the finest releases of the year, blending Indie, Slowcore and Alt-Country together in a perfect union (under god). Although the 34 minutes of Cease to Begin are predictable, the disappointment at this face...ceases to begin becasue it is only their second record, and if it ain't broke...
. I'll leave the My Morning Jacket comparisons at the door (mainly because I don't listen to them) and simply that Ben Bridwells vocal work makes the CD. A rather obvious statement considering that he's in charge of lead vocals, but his at-times bordering on Psychedelic vocal work is simply brilliant. However, the best moments are reserved for the slower songs (on an already admittedly) slow CD such as No One's Gonna Love You and Marry Song.
Grade: Credit/Distinction, ask me in two weeks time.
Modest Mouse- We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank
If I may so bold as to have a go at music websites, it's that early releases aren't getting a fair shake in the best of lists. Maybe it's too much irreverent Velvet Underground trivia occupying their brain, but the first six months of the year seem irrelevant. Case In Point: The Latest offering from Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank.
It's proably going to be kind of controversial to begin by saying that it's probably the best overall release by Modest Mouse. Not to discredit their earlier work, but We Were Dead has walks that perfect instrumental line between 'Heavy' and 'Modest Mouse Heavy'. Maybe the inclusion of Johnny Marr and his oh-so-nice guitar lines has negated the need to throw the Kitchen Sink into every song, but Modest Mouse just sound right, quite a compliment considering the bands hefty catalogue.
Grade: Credit
Ashley Tisdale: Headstrong
As you probably realized from the opening Elliott Smith salvo, I have quite the obsession with Ashley Tisdale (whether said obsession is unhealthy is up to the courts to decide). Well, not so much her as her rather large, yet cute nose (Love does enter through the nostrils after all*).
So, as the roll out with starlets these days, after appearing in some bad form of viewable media, a CD of Ghost-written tracks was inevitable (Kristen Bell self titled out next year. Believe me, I've seen the future), and as is the case with the industry these days, said CD probably wouldn't be very good.
Anyway, Imagine my surprise when it didn't actually totally suck. In fact, much like the sound of my own voice, it's kind of enjoyable to listen when drunk. Just don't expect anything deep (in both examples), becasue most of what is actually being said is pretty bad. However, barring the guest rap, it's the most enjoyable kind of bad, which is all that really matters right?
Side note: What the fuck happened to Hayden Panetwhatever's CD? I read (don't ask where) that it was supposed to be out at the start of 2007, yet here we are, still waiting.
*Holy Shit, If you get that reference then I love you.
*Satisfying my 'Holy shit, I'm drunk, depressed and need to listen to a large nosed girl sing tween-dirty pop over bad disco music' emotion, which comes around kind of often.
Grade: Credit. Yes, you heard me.
Low Stars: Low Stars
Hey Eagles, especially that wanker Don Henley, how does it feel to crawl out from hiatus after 20-something years only to be beaten at your own inoffensive-country tinged game? Because that's how it felt to this individual after hearing both The Long Road out of Eden and Low Stars, especailly since this is their debut record.
Although sometime being blatantly derivative of the Eagles and CSNY, Low Stars manage to somehow make a good CD when everything is saying that it should fail. Take the first track, Tell the Teacher:
Lyrics that sometimes verge on out right corniness, and other times feel like an afterthought? Check? Bad cheesy 80's guitar solo? Yep, yet somehow it still manages to be enjoyable, and even exemplary in the case of L.A Forever, yet another song that (literally) sings about the evils of Los Angeles. As you'd expect, acoustic guitars and vocal harmonies abound, and they generally live up to their ambitions of sounding like Best Of Your Love era Eagles, barring a downright horrendous attempt at pseudo-rapping.
Grade: Pass/Credit
Wilco: Sky Blue Sky
Commentary on music seems to be built on the comparison of new band to old band.
You've already seem it with Rilo Kiley, but I want to throw another one out there: Wilco and Big Star. Granted, it's stupid, but nothing reminded me of Third/ Sister Lovers than Sky Blue Sky. Sure, there's no stand up out track like Blue Moon*, but they are both eclectic mixes of pop music done well. Although Jeff Tweedy has still not realized that country is where he ought to be, Impossible Germany and others prove a fine distraction until I reunite Uncle Tupelo at gunpoint.
*Okay, so almost all the tracks were standouts on that CD.
Grade: Pass
Okay, so I'm now twelve songs in and the ratio is the same. They even stooped to putting John Fogerty in there. All due respect to him and all, when the fuck was the last time anyone mentioned him?
Seriously, the Wolowitz doctrine ,that they all hate so much, is more innocuous and subtle than Rolling Stone and it's damn agenda. Okay, we get it, you hate Bush.
Anyway, it's worth noting that I haven't listened to all the CD's that I've wanted to this year, Iron and Wine and Springsteen are the first that spring to mind, although there's probably dozen more kicking about.
Elliott Smith- New Moon
Elliott Smith and a guitar, much like Ashley Tisdale and a short pair of shorts, was/is the perfect merging of person and object. (Although whilst Mr Smith’s life was cut short, Ms Tisdale’s choice of garment cannot be cut short enough! ZING!).
At times it feels that everything that Mr Smith touched at that time turned into gold. Alcohol tainted gold perhaps, but gold nonetheless.
Before the Ocsars, the multi-layered pop records and eventual death, Elliott Smith was just an incredibly talented musician with a guitar, and that is what New Moon demonstrates. Whilst his influence in every mopey songwriter since is clearly evident, his influences are as not as easy to pin down. Whilst the Beatles are an obvious candidate, they never did acoustic quite this well. Same case lyrically, as no one had ever quite captured the poigant honestly and betrayal of Smith, before Smith.
Okay, so maybe it's easy to see why a few of the tracks where left unreleased for a decade, but others like Placeholder, See You Later and Angel in the Snow deserve a release, as they are among his (already crowded) highlights reel.
In nothing else, this CD is a reminder that we're probably not going to see such a gifted musican again during our lifetime.
Grade: High Distinction
Rilo Kiley- Under The Blacklight
Someone, I'm not sure who, remarked somewhere (I'm not sure where either) that Under the Blacklight was Rilo Kiley's attempt at selling out. Although I generally hate that term, I actually kind of agree with it in this case (and judging by the fact 'Dreamworld' was playing during one of my rare trips to Burger King, so do other people).
Many of the tracks are a departure from their 'traditional' sound, although to be fair all their CD's have been kind of eclectic, so I'm certainly not going to accuse them of anything nefarious, only of ungoing yet another crazy revamp.
Although their previous albums where great (in fact better then UTBL)the reason I love this is because, as every music publication screams every two seconds, this CD sounds like Fleetwood Mac. Or more specifically: Fleetwood Mac when Fleetwood Mac wasn't a bunch of backstabbing and ugly geriatrics.
Yep, Fleetwood Mac=Rilo Kiley was this years version of Zeppelin=Wolfmother, only this time the imitator had the chops to back it up, as the best tracks on every UTBL exude Witchnaddness*.
That being said, I'd hate for this to came off as me loving a CD just because it kind of resembles another band, as UTBL is kind of a musical Charmelon, and snuggled in amongst Rilo Kiley stables are songs that range from Rap (Dejalo) to Bluesly (and Creepy) sounding numbers (15).
*Inexplicably, the word to describe the musical effects of wearing a Witches hat does not exist, so I had to make do.
Grade: High Distinction
Bright Eyes- Cassadaga
If 2007 was the year that Jenny Lewis summoned Steve Nicks, then it was also the year that Conor Orberst grew up. Well kind of anyway. Whilst he still may enjoy cascading hecklers with water, Cassadaga showed a growth in maturity. No more 7 minute angst-fests, this time it felt like the work of somebody whose come to terms that the world blows, and how he was trying to deal with said blowiness. Of course, it was still a Bright Eyes record, and as such included the staple nihilism, resignation and other happy emotions, but now it felt like things might get better. Think of it as like leaving rehab (pure speculation on my part)
In addition to sounding more 'grown up', songs like Four Winds, Clense Song and I must Belong Somewhere improved and solidified on the Alt-Country sound from I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning, thus making thousands of teenage girls gradual slide into loving The Jayhawks inevitable.
Oh, and of course, no matter how much he's grown, it's not a Bright Eyes record without a song about a slutty girl.
Grade: Distinction
Ryan Adams: Easy Tiger
After listening to Easy Tiger, it's easy to see why this wasn't labeled as a 'Cardianals' inclusive CD. This is a personal CD, perfectly exemplified by the lonely acoustic guitar prevalent through a good portion of the songs, the best of which could have been off of a Whiskeytown release
As if the solo sentiment wasn't already obvious, it's rammed down our proverbial throats by Easy Tigers swan song (and highlight) I Taught Myself How to Grow. Still, there are still some tracks that show a heavier side, the obvious choice being Halloween Head, extra points given for the braggadocio inspired 'Guitar Solo' announcement.
A fitting announcement, considering that the jangly guitar tracks are the most enjoyable, and in addition demonstrate Adam's aptitude at writing a fine guitar track, a talent that hadn't been ultilised enough in his previous solo work.
If I was to say that Easy Tiger was solid, then it would be a simple statement of fact rather then an indictment or expression of apathy. It's a bad word to sum up a great CD, but it's the best that springs to mind. Rather then a CD of songs that are loosely related, like 29, this is a record that shows Adam's versatility, with each song being a departure from the other, yet still having a cohesive place within the album. The songs themselves feel well put together, a compliment considering that a number of record in Adam's catalogue don't have the best ratio of good to bad songs.
Grade: Distinction
Band Of Horses:Cease To Begin
I'll admit, I'm asking for the late pass on this one, as I only heard it a couple of weeks ago. As such, my opinion may be tinged by that giddy feeling (otherwise known as happiness at something, a feeling that I don't think the poor old fellows of Band of Horses get too often. They ought to happy though, as they've made one of the finest releases of the year, blending Indie, Slowcore and Alt-Country together in a perfect union (under god). Although the 34 minutes of Cease to Begin are predictable, the disappointment at this face...ceases to begin becasue it is only their second record, and if it ain't broke...
. I'll leave the My Morning Jacket comparisons at the door (mainly because I don't listen to them) and simply that Ben Bridwells vocal work makes the CD. A rather obvious statement considering that he's in charge of lead vocals, but his at-times bordering on Psychedelic vocal work is simply brilliant. However, the best moments are reserved for the slower songs (on an already admittedly) slow CD such as No One's Gonna Love You and Marry Song.
Grade: Credit/Distinction, ask me in two weeks time.
Modest Mouse- We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank
If I may so bold as to have a go at music websites, it's that early releases aren't getting a fair shake in the best of lists. Maybe it's too much irreverent Velvet Underground trivia occupying their brain, but the first six months of the year seem irrelevant. Case In Point: The Latest offering from Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank.
It's proably going to be kind of controversial to begin by saying that it's probably the best overall release by Modest Mouse. Not to discredit their earlier work, but We Were Dead has walks that perfect instrumental line between 'Heavy' and 'Modest Mouse Heavy'. Maybe the inclusion of Johnny Marr and his oh-so-nice guitar lines has negated the need to throw the Kitchen Sink into every song, but Modest Mouse just sound right, quite a compliment considering the bands hefty catalogue.
Grade: Credit
Ashley Tisdale: Headstrong
As you probably realized from the opening Elliott Smith salvo, I have quite the obsession with Ashley Tisdale (whether said obsession is unhealthy is up to the courts to decide). Well, not so much her as her rather large, yet cute nose (Love does enter through the nostrils after all*).
So, as the roll out with starlets these days, after appearing in some bad form of viewable media, a CD of Ghost-written tracks was inevitable (Kristen Bell self titled out next year. Believe me, I've seen the future), and as is the case with the industry these days, said CD probably wouldn't be very good.
Anyway, Imagine my surprise when it didn't actually totally suck. In fact, much like the sound of my own voice, it's kind of enjoyable to listen when drunk. Just don't expect anything deep (in both examples), becasue most of what is actually being said is pretty bad. However, barring the guest rap, it's the most enjoyable kind of bad, which is all that really matters right?
Side note: What the fuck happened to Hayden Panetwhatever's CD? I read (don't ask where) that it was supposed to be out at the start of 2007, yet here we are, still waiting.
*Holy Shit, If you get that reference then I love you.
*Satisfying my 'Holy shit, I'm drunk, depressed and need to listen to a large nosed girl sing tween-dirty pop over bad disco music' emotion, which comes around kind of often.
Grade: Credit. Yes, you heard me.
Low Stars: Low Stars
Hey Eagles, especially that wanker Don Henley, how does it feel to crawl out from hiatus after 20-something years only to be beaten at your own inoffensive-country tinged game? Because that's how it felt to this individual after hearing both The Long Road out of Eden and Low Stars, especailly since this is their debut record.
Although sometime being blatantly derivative of the Eagles and CSNY, Low Stars manage to somehow make a good CD when everything is saying that it should fail. Take the first track, Tell the Teacher:
Lyrics that sometimes verge on out right corniness, and other times feel like an afterthought? Check? Bad cheesy 80's guitar solo? Yep, yet somehow it still manages to be enjoyable, and even exemplary in the case of L.A Forever, yet another song that (literally) sings about the evils of Los Angeles. As you'd expect, acoustic guitars and vocal harmonies abound, and they generally live up to their ambitions of sounding like Best Of Your Love era Eagles, barring a downright horrendous attempt at pseudo-rapping.
Grade: Pass/Credit
Wilco: Sky Blue Sky
Commentary on music seems to be built on the comparison of new band to old band.
You've already seem it with Rilo Kiley, but I want to throw another one out there: Wilco and Big Star. Granted, it's stupid, but nothing reminded me of Third/ Sister Lovers than Sky Blue Sky. Sure, there's no stand up out track like Blue Moon*, but they are both eclectic mixes of pop music done well. Although Jeff Tweedy has still not realized that country is where he ought to be, Impossible Germany and others prove a fine distraction until I reunite Uncle Tupelo at gunpoint.
*Okay, so almost all the tracks were standouts on that CD.
Grade: Pass
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Attn Jay Jay's: I hate you and your stupid t-shirts.
Jay Jay's, by my astute observations, seem to be the Australian equivlent of Hot Topic (meanwhile being in steadfast denial of this), and intent on making the seventh circle of hell look like some garishly coloured Pie-Chart. Much like Comedy Inc (or any other Australian comedy show) they just pick the most popular thing that other people are doing and follow it. Kind of ironic that a business has a philosophy so similar to their consumer base.
There are three products in their 'me too' brand of clothing that are paticularly bad, yet irrefutably, and inexplicably popular. And these are what we're here to talk about.
1) (Artistic recreation)
So today I'm reading the paper, and I see a picture of Led Zeppelin pre vomit-choke related breakup. Robert Plant has nothing but a tambourine, and seems pretty happy with his decision. Jimmy Page on the other hand has an Double Necked 18 string guitar. This is the equivlent of wearing one of these shirts. Okay, so in truth it's not, becasue nobody wearing these shirts could rip a Pentatonic like like Mr Page, but the statement stands, you are fucking conpemsating for something. I mean, has this helped anyone in getting a girl? Or even in starting any conversation that didn't start with 'So what are you trying to make up for?'?
Funny, for all the faux-parody warning signs, the only one that they don't make is one that says 'Avoid me like the fucking plague'.
Jay Jay's: stocking the freshest in vintage T-shirts (fresh off a boat from China). This year it seems to be all about the videogames. Or rather, the illusion that wearing a Nintendo shirt that looks old is somehow cooler to wearing a normal Nintendo shirt, or even admitting that you know what a 'Nintendo' is. Unless they're meant to be ironic, which isn't that likely.
Now, I'm a perfectly reasonable guy, and generally when I see a T-shirt with a humoursly altered saying or road sign that implicates the wearer if gifted sexually* I only get a vague sense of rage, accompanied by an overwhelming amount of sympthy (Or both the wearer and everyone within eyeshot, see I'm a humanitarian!).
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that teenage suicide and depression is on a humour scale matched only by the Holocaust and people who people who take the Shins seriously, but I have to question the wisdom of wearing said message on a t-shirt.
That being, I have some suggestions for the writers of Jay Jay's T-shirts* Maybe they could use this as a springboard to make fun of other significant issues in youth culture! I mean, why hasn't something been done on Drug Abuse? Or Teen Poverty? Those subjects are fucking hilarious!
Here, you can have this one for free:
See, it's kind of meta, if only for my limited Paint Skills.
Also, during my search for pictures, I also came upon this:
Dude, Cosplay is bad enough, but having to carry around a picture to make aware aware of said crossdressing is just horrendous.
*Or that the viewer is ungifted. Women, you are aware that 'You Couldn't Afford It' infers to me that you are a prostitute? And that I couldn't afford the measly ammount of cocaine nessecry to conduct said transaction?
*Okay, so in truth they don't have writers, they just steal things off the internet. Hey! Just like me!
There are three products in their 'me too' brand of clothing that are paticularly bad, yet irrefutably, and inexplicably popular. And these are what we're here to talk about.
1) (Artistic recreation)
So today I'm reading the paper, and I see a picture of Led Zeppelin pre vomit-choke related breakup. Robert Plant has nothing but a tambourine, and seems pretty happy with his decision. Jimmy Page on the other hand has an Double Necked 18 string guitar. This is the equivlent of wearing one of these shirts. Okay, so in truth it's not, becasue nobody wearing these shirts could rip a Pentatonic like like Mr Page, but the statement stands, you are fucking conpemsating for something. I mean, has this helped anyone in getting a girl? Or even in starting any conversation that didn't start with 'So what are you trying to make up for?'?
Funny, for all the faux-parody warning signs, the only one that they don't make is one that says 'Avoid me like the fucking plague'.
Jay Jay's: stocking the freshest in vintage T-shirts (fresh off a boat from China). This year it seems to be all about the videogames. Or rather, the illusion that wearing a Nintendo shirt that looks old is somehow cooler to wearing a normal Nintendo shirt, or even admitting that you know what a 'Nintendo' is. Unless they're meant to be ironic, which isn't that likely.
Now, I'm a perfectly reasonable guy, and generally when I see a T-shirt with a humoursly altered saying or road sign that implicates the wearer if gifted sexually* I only get a vague sense of rage, accompanied by an overwhelming amount of sympthy (Or both the wearer and everyone within eyeshot, see I'm a humanitarian!).
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that teenage suicide and depression is on a humour scale matched only by the Holocaust and people who people who take the Shins seriously, but I have to question the wisdom of wearing said message on a t-shirt.
That being, I have some suggestions for the writers of Jay Jay's T-shirts* Maybe they could use this as a springboard to make fun of other significant issues in youth culture! I mean, why hasn't something been done on Drug Abuse? Or Teen Poverty? Those subjects are fucking hilarious!
Here, you can have this one for free:
See, it's kind of meta, if only for my limited Paint Skills.
Also, during my search for pictures, I also came upon this:
Dude, Cosplay is bad enough, but having to carry around a picture to make aware aware of said crossdressing is just horrendous.
*Or that the viewer is ungifted. Women, you are aware that 'You Couldn't Afford It' infers to me that you are a prostitute? And that I couldn't afford the measly ammount of cocaine nessecry to conduct said transaction?
*Okay, so in truth they don't have writers, they just steal things off the internet. Hey! Just like me!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Myself, Assassin's Creed and Game Reviews.
As is the power of reviews, everybody needs to take note of them. Now I understand that reviews are generally are a big issue (why I am not sure, but that's not what I'm here to talk about*) to people, generally I wouldn't care about reviews at all, but Assassin's Creed seems to be a contentious issue, and one of the games that has really split the reviewing community down the middle. Yes, like the Crusades of old (what a strangely relevant analogy!) it seems there are two sides: With Assassin's Creed or Against Assassin's Creed. This I feel is kind of disappointing (although not surprising given the gaming community at large is as reasonable and rational as Al Queda soldiers riding on the back of the most stubborn animal in the universe) because a) People seem to forget that Assassin's Creed is actually a game, not a series of reviews and b) I think that t the quantity of bad reviews is are getting a disproportionate amount of attention, which will affect not only the sales, but the legacy of Assassin's Creed itself. I say this not particularly out of undying love for the game, but more because I feel to the need to talk about how dramatically the reviews altered my experience with at least part of my time with Assassin's Creed.
In fact, it would be fair to say that I hated the game when I first played it, paticuarly surprising considering that I was a fan of Assassin's Creed way back when it was first shown. Not sure why, but something about the mix of Montreal, strange running antics and history captured me, and I pretty much gave them a sale two years the game actually became..sellable. But a week ago those two years of fandom where as pointless as the superficial.com without Hayden Panetterie (okay, so that's not true, I'll love that website forever). Why? Because I wanted blood, wanted blood like I want thesuperficial.com to post more Hay P pics*. Yep. I was pissed, and convinced that the reviews were right and this game was the abortion that Michael Vick should have been**. I was pissed that some idiot decided that the Metriod method of taking all your weapons away is a somehow rewarding gameplay experience (developers, here's a hint: It's annoying as all hell), I was pissed about a sundry of other small, rather insignificant details. In fact I was just generally pissed, although I was still playing it several hours a day (much to the determent of a Cactus Boogie tab, which was sitting there unloved).
This joyful tirade of hate continued until I was about 75% of the way through the game, as being rather close to completion I started working through my overall impressions on the game. So there I was, wandering through Damascus (with Rilo Kiley admittedly demoodingifying (made up word!) the situation) thinking of the torrent of shit that I was going to hurl at Ubisoft for playing with my emotions. I mean, this was going to be the 'You're So Vain' fuck you letter of 2007.
Then I actually thought about it,and there was nothing. I mean, I couldn't think of a thing that I didn't like, and suddenly my 'You're So Vain' was turned into an undying love letter to ruins Assassin's Creed
Now granted, this was before the game totally self destructed in the last hour. The whole 'religious piece of stone holding increbible power' smelt of bullshit. Not just bullshit, but the worst kind of bullshit, the kind that almost ruined my game experience. To have a story that bellowed the virtues of knowledge and anti-religious fever reversed with a plot device that was the complete antithesis of this idea was immensely disappointing. Surprisingly enough, I enjoyed the 'actual' end of the game.
At least I think I did. ' I think it did' Which kind of sums my my thoughts of the story in general, as I have no idea if it's my overly analytical nature or the story is really meant to be a pseudo-philosophical discussion on the nature of war and morality. However, I'm willing to give Ubisoft the benefit of the doubt, given that my thought processes generally fall between mildly and totally inappropriate and unintelligible, thus it's more likely that they are geniuses instead of me.
Speaking of unintelligible (and my thought processes/somehow being able to feel totally inferior and superior at the same time) Ubisoft are either brave/insane/both for setting a game set during the third Crusade. Perhaps it's me putting on my history major hat again, but does the average gamer really have a good understanding of the Crusades? I mean, that was a incredibly convoluted period in history, and the game just kind of throws you into the proverbial deep end.
Elitist whining aside, I loved the game, every aspect of it. To me the lead up missions to the assassinations weren't repetitive, they were preparation and a chance to give a backstory to who the folks were that you were going to unsheathe your blade into***. The world was beautiful, involving, and the beggers, whilst annoying as shit, added atmosphere to the game.
Yes, I've gone on a tangent, but I'm getting to my point.
Basically, whilst I loved the game, I had passed judgment on the game based on notions that I had picked up from reviews. They had a negative disposition, and that disposition transferred to me after reading the reviews. Now, I'm not trying to have a go at the reviews (or the reviewers themselves, and in saying this I should also say that it's commendable that a major game can be picked apart (especially in the current situation in gaming journalism). Rather, I'm trying to disown myself (and not for the first time, believe me) because I was so easily coerced (so easily in fact that I wasn't even aware if it!) into letting my experience of a game be defined by a review and not the game itself.
Now, obviously this is a problem endemic to the gaming in general, as even a cursory glance at a message board for a recently released game will yield more topics about reviews then the actual game. Now, I think it would be fair to say that this is a trait that is reasonably isolated to the videogames. My third point, which is slowly occurring to me as I write this, is that this is the reason that the Gerstmann/Gamespot situation is so heightened. It has shit ultimately to do with Eidos, Gamespot or any other company, it's really about the nature of game reviews. Ultimately (to at least myself) the question for the reasons of Mr Gerstmanns termination are irrelevant. Just the fact that it's the Tom Clancy 'could happen tomorrow' type of storyline applied to games journalism is enough to be worrying.
About a year ago the wonderful Chuck Klostermann wrote a wonderful article in the sometimes wonderful Esquire magazine about games journalism and music journalism, particularly a fellow called Lester Bangs, whom I'm assuming you have a vague knowledge of. The gist of this article (once it could be distinguished from the litany of advertisements featuring half naked men) was that games journalism is so infantile because it's nothing but the facts, the writing is formulaic and they are more consumer information then enlightened debate.*****
To elaborate in my own words, If music reviews were like game reviews then the rating would depend almost entirely on the technical proficiency of the musicians in question (leaving Bob Dylan with nothing but 2 star ratings for the rest of his life******). Music is one of the most subjective art forms out there, and the reviews are an indication of this. Look at how different media outlets and the dichotomy between ratings that an individual CD may recieve. There is no way that I would ever find myself in a similar situation with CD, because the basic role of a CD review isn't the same as the role of a videogame. When someone gives a Neko Case CD a shitty review I want to know why they formed that opinion and didn't like it.
With a game review I can pretty much guess why they have feelings about a game, because Videogame reviews on the other hand are almost always based on the quality of the gameplay mechanics, and that isn't something that could traditionally be questioned. In fact, that's all that game reviews are, consumer information. Nobody (okay, so no game reviewer) is going to question the quality of Halo 3, Super Mario Galaxy, or Imagine Babies! (perhaps lack thereof is more appropriate in the last example) because their quality isn't a subjective thing, it's completely fucking obvious.
The fact (admittedly, a fact that I made up on the spot) that reviewers 'can't be wrong', because their final verdict is handed to them on a plate is the main reason that so much stock is put into their opinion, by consumers and companies alike. Again, I don't mean this as an insult to gaming journalists (whom I admire) just that merits of an individual game are obvious, because they're based on factors that are incredibly obvious to anyone, especially someone who is 'trained' to write about them for a living.
At the same time as this is said, it's not an indictment on game reviewers (or indeed game reviews) themselves, rather the nature of video games and reviewing them. It's why people place such stock in a meaningless number and some slightly more meaningful text, it's why I was so dejected over playing a game that I eventually loved. It's the fact that gamers seem to value validation in reviews rather then enlightenment (including myself in the case of Assassin's) Hell it's why Eidos Kame and Lynched Jeff Gerstmann (maybe not, but I couldn't leave out that horrendous stab at a pun. )
*As I write more and more, turns out it is what I came to talk about. Funny Huh?
**Can you in anyway guess what I'm doing at this moment? No, not that.
***What, like you haven't though it/thunk it?
****Okay, there has to be a better phrasing then that
*****At least I think that was the gist. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. Oh, and I'm not for one second implying that music journalism is 'enlightened' for one second.
******Not at all a go a Mr Dylan, who is without doubt one of the better musicians of the 20th Century
In fact, it would be fair to say that I hated the game when I first played it, paticuarly surprising considering that I was a fan of Assassin's Creed way back when it was first shown. Not sure why, but something about the mix of Montreal, strange running antics and history captured me, and I pretty much gave them a sale two years the game actually became..sellable. But a week ago those two years of fandom where as pointless as the superficial.com without Hayden Panetterie (okay, so that's not true, I'll love that website forever). Why? Because I wanted blood, wanted blood like I want thesuperficial.com to post more Hay P pics*. Yep. I was pissed, and convinced that the reviews were right and this game was the abortion that Michael Vick should have been**. I was pissed that some idiot decided that the Metriod method of taking all your weapons away is a somehow rewarding gameplay experience (developers, here's a hint: It's annoying as all hell), I was pissed about a sundry of other small, rather insignificant details. In fact I was just generally pissed, although I was still playing it several hours a day (much to the determent of a Cactus Boogie tab, which was sitting there unloved).
This joyful tirade of hate continued until I was about 75% of the way through the game, as being rather close to completion I started working through my overall impressions on the game. So there I was, wandering through Damascus (with Rilo Kiley admittedly demoodingifying (made up word!) the situation) thinking of the torrent of shit that I was going to hurl at Ubisoft for playing with my emotions. I mean, this was going to be the 'You're So Vain' fuck you letter of 2007.
Then I actually thought about it,and there was nothing. I mean, I couldn't think of a thing that I didn't like, and suddenly my 'You're So Vain' was turned into an undying love letter to ruins Assassin's Creed
Now granted, this was before the game totally self destructed in the last hour. The whole 'religious piece of stone holding increbible power' smelt of bullshit. Not just bullshit, but the worst kind of bullshit, the kind that almost ruined my game experience. To have a story that bellowed the virtues of knowledge and anti-religious fever reversed with a plot device that was the complete antithesis of this idea was immensely disappointing. Surprisingly enough, I enjoyed the 'actual' end of the game.
At least I think I did. ' I think it did' Which kind of sums my my thoughts of the story in general, as I have no idea if it's my overly analytical nature or the story is really meant to be a pseudo-philosophical discussion on the nature of war and morality. However, I'm willing to give Ubisoft the benefit of the doubt, given that my thought processes generally fall between mildly and totally inappropriate and unintelligible, thus it's more likely that they are geniuses instead of me.
Speaking of unintelligible (and my thought processes/somehow being able to feel totally inferior and superior at the same time) Ubisoft are either brave/insane/both for setting a game set during the third Crusade. Perhaps it's me putting on my history major hat again, but does the average gamer really have a good understanding of the Crusades? I mean, that was a incredibly convoluted period in history, and the game just kind of throws you into the proverbial deep end.
Elitist whining aside, I loved the game, every aspect of it. To me the lead up missions to the assassinations weren't repetitive, they were preparation and a chance to give a backstory to who the folks were that you were going to unsheathe your blade into***. The world was beautiful, involving, and the beggers, whilst annoying as shit, added atmosphere to the game.
Yes, I've gone on a tangent, but I'm getting to my point.
Basically, whilst I loved the game, I had passed judgment on the game based on notions that I had picked up from reviews. They had a negative disposition, and that disposition transferred to me after reading the reviews. Now, I'm not trying to have a go at the reviews (or the reviewers themselves, and in saying this I should also say that it's commendable that a major game can be picked apart (especially in the current situation in gaming journalism). Rather, I'm trying to disown myself (and not for the first time, believe me) because I was so easily coerced (so easily in fact that I wasn't even aware if it!) into letting my experience of a game be defined by a review and not the game itself.
Now, obviously this is a problem endemic to the gaming in general, as even a cursory glance at a message board for a recently released game will yield more topics about reviews then the actual game. Now, I think it would be fair to say that this is a trait that is reasonably isolated to the videogames. My third point, which is slowly occurring to me as I write this, is that this is the reason that the Gerstmann/Gamespot situation is so heightened. It has shit ultimately to do with Eidos, Gamespot or any other company, it's really about the nature of game reviews. Ultimately (to at least myself) the question for the reasons of Mr Gerstmanns termination are irrelevant. Just the fact that it's the Tom Clancy 'could happen tomorrow' type of storyline applied to games journalism is enough to be worrying.
About a year ago the wonderful Chuck Klostermann wrote a wonderful article in the sometimes wonderful Esquire magazine about games journalism and music journalism, particularly a fellow called Lester Bangs, whom I'm assuming you have a vague knowledge of. The gist of this article (once it could be distinguished from the litany of advertisements featuring half naked men) was that games journalism is so infantile because it's nothing but the facts, the writing is formulaic and they are more consumer information then enlightened debate.*****
To elaborate in my own words, If music reviews were like game reviews then the rating would depend almost entirely on the technical proficiency of the musicians in question (leaving Bob Dylan with nothing but 2 star ratings for the rest of his life******). Music is one of the most subjective art forms out there, and the reviews are an indication of this. Look at how different media outlets and the dichotomy between ratings that an individual CD may recieve. There is no way that I would ever find myself in a similar situation with CD, because the basic role of a CD review isn't the same as the role of a videogame. When someone gives a Neko Case CD a shitty review I want to know why they formed that opinion and didn't like it.
With a game review I can pretty much guess why they have feelings about a game, because Videogame reviews on the other hand are almost always based on the quality of the gameplay mechanics, and that isn't something that could traditionally be questioned. In fact, that's all that game reviews are, consumer information. Nobody (okay, so no game reviewer) is going to question the quality of Halo 3, Super Mario Galaxy, or Imagine Babies! (perhaps lack thereof is more appropriate in the last example) because their quality isn't a subjective thing, it's completely fucking obvious.
The fact (admittedly, a fact that I made up on the spot) that reviewers 'can't be wrong', because their final verdict is handed to them on a plate is the main reason that so much stock is put into their opinion, by consumers and companies alike. Again, I don't mean this as an insult to gaming journalists (whom I admire) just that merits of an individual game are obvious, because they're based on factors that are incredibly obvious to anyone, especially someone who is 'trained' to write about them for a living.
At the same time as this is said, it's not an indictment on game reviewers (or indeed game reviews) themselves, rather the nature of video games and reviewing them. It's why people place such stock in a meaningless number and some slightly more meaningful text, it's why I was so dejected over playing a game that I eventually loved. It's the fact that gamers seem to value validation in reviews rather then enlightenment (including myself in the case of Assassin's) Hell it's why Eidos Kame and Lynched Jeff Gerstmann (maybe not, but I couldn't leave out that horrendous stab at a pun. )
*As I write more and more, turns out it is what I came to talk about. Funny Huh?
**Can you in anyway guess what I'm doing at this moment? No, not that.
***What, like you haven't though it/thunk it?
****Okay, there has to be a better phrasing then that
*****At least I think that was the gist. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. Oh, and I'm not for one second implying that music journalism is 'enlightened' for one second.
******Not at all a go a Mr Dylan, who is without doubt one of the better musicians of the 20th Century
Monday, December 3, 2007
Why Futurama and the Eagles are the same...Yet Different (That can't be as deep as it appears to be...which is not very in the first place.)
As it stands right now, comebacks (along with the inevitable disappointment that comes with it) are up in there in terms of popularity with garishly colored T-shirts and and sorry incidents involving teenagers expressing their thought in musical forms. Although I will admit to liking the first High School Musical (okay, so I generally don' t admit that, barring this isolated occasion to make some obtuse point), the rest of these things are best generally avoided like women of ill repute (an especially apt analogy considering the fact that High School musical was mentioned before it.) Yes, comebacks suck, but the more important thing here is why they suck, and in my opinion it's because they do nothing new. It's a long silence followed by the same old thing, over and over and over...Just like this blog
To pick the equivalent of the snotty, ugly kid that gets picked on, we can turn our head to classic rock pussies/underage lovers The Eagles. Now, I'll be honest, I enjoy the Eagles brand of laid-back music; I mean, I practically grew up with them (their music I mean, not in some kind of Four and a Half Men style sitcom) and their vocal harmonies are just to die for (said semi sarcastically...) Yeah, whilst I could go on backhandedly complimenting the Eagles all day, the more important point is their new Album, the Long Road out of Eden. Or perhaps more specifally, how much that CD blew. I mean, this CD really fucking sucked.*
20 years ago however, this would have never been the case. In fact if it had come 20 years then it would probably be breath of fresh air in an industry that had drowned in lyrca and about to be sent to Flannel clad heaven. But this is 2007, and in the 20 odd that years that the Eagles haven't been together the music word has changed, and they haven't. In fact, To say that the Long Road To Eden is classic Eagles is both it's most damning indictment and it's biggest compliment.
Futurama on the other hand is a much harder beast to pin down. But looking back it appears to have the opposite problem, as the Long Road out of Eden, it's just too damn reliant on new ideas.
Perhaps I'm not going to enunciate myself as well as I ought to be throughout this post, so let me be totally clear: Futurama was still as funny as ever, but the story was generally fucking terrible. Now, on with the confusion!
Although I may enjoy complaining about it, The Simpsons movie was an example of the way to do an animated movie well. It had the perfect mix of new insanity and old staples of the series. I mean, it was expected that Homer would fuck up and somehow redeem himself (although in a stupid manner) and that's just what they delivered, and what I feel the Futurama should have been done. To paraphrase Fry, people want the same old thing, new ideas scare them.
On the other hand, kudos for being nothing like Family Guy, and actually making the movie a cohesive experience, and one that sometimes stayed true to the franchise (actually, I would like that last comment revoked, the Family Guy movie was exactly like the television show, hence being 90% of the movies problem). Whilst there are obvious breakpoints in the story at 21 minute intervals they are never are detract from the viewing, and had I not had Windows Media Player keeping time I probably wouldn't have noticed.
What I would have noticed (eh? EH!?*) are the jokes that like they were out of place.
I understand that this is a movie, and thus they have more time to fill (letting jokes in that would usually be ignored, see where I'm going?) but some of the gags are horrendous are feel terribly forced. I am mean, does anyone find 2000 election jokes funny anymore (or even in the first place)? Or for that matter, was anybody really waiting for Al Gore's return? Or Barbados Slim? Or any other the other dozen or so characters that popped in for a few seconds at the expense of a joke? Sorry to blow on the Simpsons movies horn again, I feel that it had the perfect mix of new and old ideas.
That isn't to say that it's a bad comeback (or even that it's bad in general), just that for every good thing that was reintroduced, there was another that made me confused. Which brings me to my main two points: Why the fuck can Nibbler talk? And what happened to Fry and Leela? Why did they seem so intent on throwing out three of the main concepts that steered the original series ( the concept of time travel being basically impossible being the other)? It's not so much I have a problem with them changing these things, I mean, I understand that things have to change. It's more the fact that they changed without even acknowledging them. In fact, they they completely disregarded them in favor of a half baked story.
However, much like Chocolate Chip Cookies, I enjoyed it being half baked more then I probably ought to. I mean, it was reasonably good once I got over my initial almost fan boy like disgust, the story has some great plot twists, it was just the foundation that was the problem. It's still (at times extremely) funny and it still has an emotional resonance like no other animated series today. It's just that the road to the 'Resonance' promised land was a long, torrid, and at times downright stupid one.
This rather obtuse (and nonsensical) post is my rather roundabout way of saying that Benders Big Score didn't actually suck as much as statistically should have. Perhaps I'm not enunciating myself as well as I ought to be, so let me be totally clear: Futurama was still as funny as ever, but the story was generally fucking terrible
Okay, so 'didn't actually suck' is maybe weird way to phrase it, but I feel it's a pretty apt description. I mean, after seeing it, my initial feelings weren't of amazement or disappointed, but instead of relief. I mean, there's no doubt that it's a different kind of Futurama, but if its a good or bad turn really depends an individual perspective. But individual is an idiot, you're here to hear to my opinion and here it is:
*Meaning perhaps that the Eagles somehow preformed fellatio on themselves. How's that for a mental image!
**And to be honest, it's not that bad a CD. I mean, it's 3/4 quarters bad, the same ratio as good band members in the Eagles, so you know.
***Apologies, the only thing more annoying than a bad segue is some sort of pseudo-postmodern attempt at acknowledging that a segue was made**
****If these are true, then the third most annoying thing is somebody using the term 'pseudo-post modernism' in an ironically way
To pick the equivalent of the snotty, ugly kid that gets picked on, we can turn our head to classic rock pussies/underage lovers The Eagles. Now, I'll be honest, I enjoy the Eagles brand of laid-back music; I mean, I practically grew up with them (their music I mean, not in some kind of Four and a Half Men style sitcom) and their vocal harmonies are just to die for (said semi sarcastically...) Yeah, whilst I could go on backhandedly complimenting the Eagles all day, the more important point is their new Album, the Long Road out of Eden. Or perhaps more specifally, how much that CD blew. I mean, this CD really fucking sucked.*
20 years ago however, this would have never been the case. In fact if it had come 20 years then it would probably be breath of fresh air in an industry that had drowned in lyrca and about to be sent to Flannel clad heaven. But this is 2007, and in the 20 odd that years that the Eagles haven't been together the music word has changed, and they haven't. In fact, To say that the Long Road To Eden is classic Eagles is both it's most damning indictment and it's biggest compliment.
Futurama on the other hand is a much harder beast to pin down. But looking back it appears to have the opposite problem, as the Long Road out of Eden, it's just too damn reliant on new ideas.
Perhaps I'm not going to enunciate myself as well as I ought to be throughout this post, so let me be totally clear: Futurama was still as funny as ever, but the story was generally fucking terrible. Now, on with the confusion!
Although I may enjoy complaining about it, The Simpsons movie was an example of the way to do an animated movie well. It had the perfect mix of new insanity and old staples of the series. I mean, it was expected that Homer would fuck up and somehow redeem himself (although in a stupid manner) and that's just what they delivered, and what I feel the Futurama should have been done. To paraphrase Fry, people want the same old thing, new ideas scare them.
On the other hand, kudos for being nothing like Family Guy, and actually making the movie a cohesive experience, and one that sometimes stayed true to the franchise (actually, I would like that last comment revoked, the Family Guy movie was exactly like the television show, hence being 90% of the movies problem). Whilst there are obvious breakpoints in the story at 21 minute intervals they are never are detract from the viewing, and had I not had Windows Media Player keeping time I probably wouldn't have noticed.
What I would have noticed (eh? EH!?*) are the jokes that like they were out of place.
I understand that this is a movie, and thus they have more time to fill (letting jokes in that would usually be ignored, see where I'm going?) but some of the gags are horrendous are feel terribly forced. I am mean, does anyone find 2000 election jokes funny anymore (or even in the first place)? Or for that matter, was anybody really waiting for Al Gore's return? Or Barbados Slim? Or any other the other dozen or so characters that popped in for a few seconds at the expense of a joke? Sorry to blow on the Simpsons movies horn again, I feel that it had the perfect mix of new and old ideas.
That isn't to say that it's a bad comeback (or even that it's bad in general), just that for every good thing that was reintroduced, there was another that made me confused. Which brings me to my main two points: Why the fuck can Nibbler talk? And what happened to Fry and Leela? Why did they seem so intent on throwing out three of the main concepts that steered the original series ( the concept of time travel being basically impossible being the other)? It's not so much I have a problem with them changing these things, I mean, I understand that things have to change. It's more the fact that they changed without even acknowledging them. In fact, they they completely disregarded them in favor of a half baked story.
However, much like Chocolate Chip Cookies, I enjoyed it being half baked more then I probably ought to. I mean, it was reasonably good once I got over my initial almost fan boy like disgust, the story has some great plot twists, it was just the foundation that was the problem. It's still (at times extremely) funny and it still has an emotional resonance like no other animated series today. It's just that the road to the 'Resonance' promised land was a long, torrid, and at times downright stupid one.
This rather obtuse (and nonsensical) post is my rather roundabout way of saying that Benders Big Score didn't actually suck as much as statistically should have. Perhaps I'm not enunciating myself as well as I ought to be, so let me be totally clear: Futurama was still as funny as ever, but the story was generally fucking terrible
Okay, so 'didn't actually suck' is maybe weird way to phrase it, but I feel it's a pretty apt description. I mean, after seeing it, my initial feelings weren't of amazement or disappointed, but instead of relief. I mean, there's no doubt that it's a different kind of Futurama, but if its a good or bad turn really depends an individual perspective. But individual is an idiot, you're here to hear to my opinion and here it is:
*Meaning perhaps that the Eagles somehow preformed fellatio on themselves. How's that for a mental image!
**And to be honest, it's not that bad a CD. I mean, it's 3/4 quarters bad, the same ratio as good band members in the Eagles, so you know.
***Apologies, the only thing more annoying than a bad segue is some sort of pseudo-postmodern attempt at acknowledging that a segue was made**
****If these are true, then the third most annoying thing is somebody using the term 'pseudo-post modernism' in an ironically way
Saturday, December 1, 2007
The Simpsons Game: Debriefing
You know, for a franchise that by its nature is dependent on being self referential (to the extent that it's even started to happen with plot points)
it's kind of Ironic that
the most damning indictment of the Simpsons, is in fact one of it's own. Yes, it's like that episode where one of the Simpson men went to court and one of the Simpson women testified against them (I'm not sure if that has actually ever happened, but after 400 episodes I'm just assuming it has at some point.)
In fact, it's kind downright disturbing when a licensed game is funnier then it's current peer. Not just funny as in 'It's the Simpsons, so I have to laugh' but as in 'genuinely well written and funny' (although given up current habit of enjoying 'Everybody Love Raymond', it may be best to ignore of definition of funny).
Not just funny as in 'Hey, I recognize that's a ham fisted parody, so I guess its funny' but funny as in it 'takes what it's parodying and actually does it.'
In fact, The Simpsons games manages to do what the Simpsons hasn't done in years: Be a perfect satire of culture. Whilst the television series has gradually degenerated into a pretty limp impersonation of a parody (although still generally being funny) the Simpsons Game tackles the state of gaming culture head on, and does it perfectly. In short, it's what the show ought to be: Witty, culturally relevent ( at least to gaming) and funny.
Considering the history of Simpsons game, it's a surprise that this game is about as far removed from the word 'cash in' as humanly possible, especially surprising as it's coming on the heels of the movie. Speaking of the movie, is it possible that the game borrowed potential elements of the movie to use in the games storyline? Granted, I didn't finish the game, but the plot that I did see felt earily remenistent of one the potential movie plotlines. I'm not trying to imply anything (after all Mr Burns being a megalomaniac and Lisa being a hippy are hardly new plot points), but I'm just pointing it out.
On it's own though, the plot is, by and large, great. In fact, it could have been an episode and it would have been great. In fact, given the fact that it's reasonably short, the best way to think about this game is an interactive episode, albeit one where you can turn into a giant ball of Homer-Fat and chase a screaming Hans Moleman down old Evergreen. This notion is given creeedance by the fact that sometimes the game looks just as good as the movie, and there are enormous amounts of original lines for almost all the characters (along with some recycling of some of their better known ones.) In other words, in what is becoming a running theme for games in 2007 (or maybe I'm just getting more fussy in what I play and ignore more crap), Kudos on the presentation and story.
Gameplay ,on the other hand, is kind of a difficult thing to define (at least in terms of quality), the way I see it, I'm split between two ways of thinking, and in many ways it's the perfect analogy for the television show as it continues on unhindered by the fickle winds of time into it's nineteenth season (making it almost as old me, and as lame as using the phrase 'fickle winds of time' in an unironic sense!)
The First Way
The Simpsons is still good:
Sure, the gamplay is basically one long cliche, but the animated Simpsons had cliches as well, what depends is how you mould these cliches into your own beings.
Yeah, so it's platforming, it's been around for about 20 years, but it's still decent fun. The basics are done as well as you could expect, and even if this would still be an okay game, didn't have a global hegemon of behind it. It doesn't matter that you've seen it before (and done better), what matters is how it stacks up to the competition at this moment (And if I may say so. this game is The Simpsons to Crash Bandicoot's Family Guy)
The Second Way
Eh, Not so much
Whilst the early animated Simpsons made the cliches their own, the game simply acknowledges them via sarcasm laden Comic Book diatribes (is there any other kind?). It doens't fix any of the problems, or 'cliches as they are called in game, rather acknowledges them and keeps moving on with broken gameplay mechanics intact. Now admittedly, I laughed most of the time when the cliches popped up, and contrary to my previous statement (which was mainly for rhetorics sake) they don't really break the gameplay.
In this sense it's kind of similar to Date/Epic/Holy Shit you paid money to this Movie, as when 90% of their jokes seem to rely totally on acknowledging they are parodying something and not including any actual humor.
Now look at the animated series: It acknowledges that the plots are getting more and more outlandish and inane, but never does anything to rectify it.
My point: Simply acknowledging that something is bad doesn't make it good, it makes you look lazy and self conscious (two subjects which I could write profusly on, but this is not the time.)
Ah fuck, I'm half drunk and it's a fucking Simpsons game. What more can I say that wouldn't end in a mish mash of words and me crying softly into my blanket and pining for Blair off of Gossip Girl? Nothing, exactly.
it's kind of Ironic that
the most damning indictment of the Simpsons, is in fact one of it's own. Yes, it's like that episode where one of the Simpson men went to court and one of the Simpson women testified against them (I'm not sure if that has actually ever happened, but after 400 episodes I'm just assuming it has at some point.)
In fact, it's kind downright disturbing when a licensed game is funnier then it's current peer. Not just funny as in 'It's the Simpsons, so I have to laugh' but as in 'genuinely well written and funny' (although given up current habit of enjoying 'Everybody Love Raymond', it may be best to ignore of definition of funny).
Not just funny as in 'Hey, I recognize that's a ham fisted parody, so I guess its funny' but funny as in it 'takes what it's parodying and actually does it.'
In fact, The Simpsons games manages to do what the Simpsons hasn't done in years: Be a perfect satire of culture. Whilst the television series has gradually degenerated into a pretty limp impersonation of a parody (although still generally being funny) the Simpsons Game tackles the state of gaming culture head on, and does it perfectly. In short, it's what the show ought to be: Witty, culturally relevent ( at least to gaming) and funny.
Considering the history of Simpsons game, it's a surprise that this game is about as far removed from the word 'cash in' as humanly possible, especially surprising as it's coming on the heels of the movie. Speaking of the movie, is it possible that the game borrowed potential elements of the movie to use in the games storyline? Granted, I didn't finish the game, but the plot that I did see felt earily remenistent of one the potential movie plotlines. I'm not trying to imply anything (after all Mr Burns being a megalomaniac and Lisa being a hippy are hardly new plot points), but I'm just pointing it out.
On it's own though, the plot is, by and large, great. In fact, it could have been an episode and it would have been great. In fact, given the fact that it's reasonably short, the best way to think about this game is an interactive episode, albeit one where you can turn into a giant ball of Homer-Fat and chase a screaming Hans Moleman down old Evergreen. This notion is given creeedance by the fact that sometimes the game looks just as good as the movie, and there are enormous amounts of original lines for almost all the characters (along with some recycling of some of their better known ones.) In other words, in what is becoming a running theme for games in 2007 (or maybe I'm just getting more fussy in what I play and ignore more crap), Kudos on the presentation and story.
Gameplay ,on the other hand, is kind of a difficult thing to define (at least in terms of quality), the way I see it, I'm split between two ways of thinking, and in many ways it's the perfect analogy for the television show as it continues on unhindered by the fickle winds of time into it's nineteenth season (making it almost as old me, and as lame as using the phrase 'fickle winds of time' in an unironic sense!)
The First Way
The Simpsons is still good:
Sure, the gamplay is basically one long cliche, but the animated Simpsons had cliches as well, what depends is how you mould these cliches into your own beings.
Yeah, so it's platforming, it's been around for about 20 years, but it's still decent fun. The basics are done as well as you could expect, and even if this would still be an okay game, didn't have a global hegemon of behind it. It doesn't matter that you've seen it before (and done better), what matters is how it stacks up to the competition at this moment (And if I may say so. this game is The Simpsons to Crash Bandicoot's Family Guy)
The Second Way
Eh, Not so much
Whilst the early animated Simpsons made the cliches their own, the game simply acknowledges them via sarcasm laden Comic Book diatribes (is there any other kind?). It doens't fix any of the problems, or 'cliches as they are called in game, rather acknowledges them and keeps moving on with broken gameplay mechanics intact. Now admittedly, I laughed most of the time when the cliches popped up, and contrary to my previous statement (which was mainly for rhetorics sake) they don't really break the gameplay.
In this sense it's kind of similar to Date/Epic/Holy Shit you paid money to this Movie, as when 90% of their jokes seem to rely totally on acknowledging they are parodying something and not including any actual humor.
Now look at the animated series: It acknowledges that the plots are getting more and more outlandish and inane, but never does anything to rectify it.
My point: Simply acknowledging that something is bad doesn't make it good, it makes you look lazy and self conscious (two subjects which I could write profusly on, but this is not the time.)
Ah fuck, I'm half drunk and it's a fucking Simpsons game. What more can I say that wouldn't end in a mish mash of words and me crying softly into my blanket and pining for Blair off of Gossip Girl? Nothing, exactly.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Call of Duty 4 Debriefing.
Note: If anyone is actually reading this, then I ought to warn there are some significant spoilers throughout. So, you know, best to not bother if you want to play Call of Duty 4.
You know, despite assertions to the contrary, I think that that I'm a pretty normal guy. Sure there's the negative disposition and tendency to get emotional over the smallest things, but apart from that I'm pretty much an average guy.
As an average guy, I've had my delusions over not only the role that war plays in society, but the role that people play in a war.
Of course the obvious candidates would be television and video games, as for every anti-war sentiment displayed on a show there are 10 more that show it in a positive light, but that doesn't really cut it. Kids played war games way before television, and indeed war was glamorized in entertainment millennia ago.
I've seen most war movies of notoriety, be them anti-or-pro, and yet the absolute horror of war never dawned on me. Sure, there were was powerful imagery, and I found myself idolizing men who where no older then myself, but I still felt an odd sense of disconnection.
Of course, I still don't have any idea what such an experience would be like, and chances are I never will. There's no doubt that much of this bewilderment comes from the age that we live in. Given just how far the world has progressed since the last significant war, 'tis hard to relate to even the time period.
Firstly there is World War , is something that I try not to even think about. I mean, I've seen All Quiet on The Western Front , that whole four years that were terrifying for everyone involved.
And as much as I love Saving Private Ryan the events happened 60 years ago. There is nothing that I could see that could demonstrate just how terrible Nazism was, or how much the whole incident sucked in general (what an eloquent way of summing up WWII...)
Similarly, from what I'm able to gleam the Vietnam War involved lots of Hendrix, lots of alleged drug use, and lots of alleged cowardice.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I still respect the soldiers who fought in these wars for us more then almost anyone in the world, but it's almost impossible to comprehend how hard war must be today, let alone decades upon decades ago.
But that's enough of the after school special, it's time to talk about Videogames, something I can (sometimes) comprehend.
It's with no lack of irony (given my recent tirade against video games and narrative) that Call of Duty: Modern Warfare is the first media text in some time that really demonstrated the intensity of war. Now obviously, I'm not an idiot (okay so that's not really obvious at all) and I'm quite capable of differentiating a video games to the slaughter of men on an unprecedented scale, but COD at times feels absolutely insane.
Before I get too ahead of myself, the story still isn't great. It fact, from the significant amount that I've played today, it would be fair to say that the story is like Elliott Smith's guitar*. That being said, it's probably more interesting than anything Infinity Ward did previously with World War II, and well, kudos for doing something original.
The more important thing is the way that the story is told, not the story itself
The prime example of this is the semi interactive cutscene directly after the wonderful Cold opening (which seems to be a trend we are seeing more and more often these days.).
Without spoiling anything too drastic, this portion of the game is not only genuinely affecting and moving, but also handles a delicate situation with a poise almost never shown in videogames.
Furthermore, it solidifies the validity of the First Person viewpoint as being something more then a tool to achieve a mean to an end (in most cases mindless shooting). Two other cases stand of my mind as being particularly intense, but that would be saying a little too much.
Without a doubt the best missions of these kind were the C-130 and the SAS sniping mission. Sure, this might be pushing the 'spoiler line' a little too far, but I really feel the need to be talked about, as the former was one of the most most surreal experiences of my life in general, not just video games. The graphics, combined with the cold voicing of the other occupants on the place made this level feel almost too real.
Herein lies the dichotomy of COD. For every level that exudes brilliance, there are two more that aren't so interesting. This isn't to say that they aren't good, as that is almost never the case, it's just that it's the same old Call of Duty. Obviously, there's nothing terribly wrong with the game play mechanics , that it's a disappointment to be thrown for something genuinely moving or surreal to endless terrorist closets and mediocre level design (Hey Infinity War, I'm sure as hell not a nuclear scientist, but Nuclear Fallout doe not the way you think it does).
As such it continues in the tradition of dividing time between different armies, in this case the British SAS and the Marines. Both of their respective mission are easy to differentiate between, something that hasn't always been the case with the series (I mean, Europe just kind of blends together after a while right?) . The SAS ones feel like something like an Andy Mcnab novel set in the early 90's, and have a much more team based feel to them (the first mission in particular feels like it was ripped out of Rainbow Six). Also, extra props to Infinity Ward for capturing the spirit of those wily Brits, especially in the exemplary voice acting.
One the other hand, the Marine missions have a much more contemporary feel (both in terms of time and in COD game play, as they generally feature you being a cog in much larger conflict).
*A Step down from average. ZING!
You know, despite assertions to the contrary, I think that that I'm a pretty normal guy. Sure there's the negative disposition and tendency to get emotional over the smallest things, but apart from that I'm pretty much an average guy.
As an average guy, I've had my delusions over not only the role that war plays in society, but the role that people play in a war.
Of course the obvious candidates would be television and video games, as for every anti-war sentiment displayed on a show there are 10 more that show it in a positive light, but that doesn't really cut it. Kids played war games way before television, and indeed war was glamorized in entertainment millennia ago.
I've seen most war movies of notoriety, be them anti-or-pro, and yet the absolute horror of war never dawned on me. Sure, there were was powerful imagery, and I found myself idolizing men who where no older then myself, but I still felt an odd sense of disconnection.
Of course, I still don't have any idea what such an experience would be like, and chances are I never will. There's no doubt that much of this bewilderment comes from the age that we live in. Given just how far the world has progressed since the last significant war, 'tis hard to relate to even the time period.
Firstly there is World War , is something that I try not to even think about. I mean, I've seen All Quiet on The Western Front , that whole four years that were terrifying for everyone involved.
And as much as I love Saving Private Ryan the events happened 60 years ago. There is nothing that I could see that could demonstrate just how terrible Nazism was, or how much the whole incident sucked in general (what an eloquent way of summing up WWII...)
Similarly, from what I'm able to gleam the Vietnam War involved lots of Hendrix, lots of alleged drug use, and lots of alleged cowardice.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I still respect the soldiers who fought in these wars for us more then almost anyone in the world, but it's almost impossible to comprehend how hard war must be today, let alone decades upon decades ago.
But that's enough of the after school special, it's time to talk about Videogames, something I can (sometimes) comprehend.
It's with no lack of irony (given my recent tirade against video games and narrative) that Call of Duty: Modern Warfare is the first media text in some time that really demonstrated the intensity of war. Now obviously, I'm not an idiot (okay so that's not really obvious at all) and I'm quite capable of differentiating a video games to the slaughter of men on an unprecedented scale, but COD at times feels absolutely insane.
Before I get too ahead of myself, the story still isn't great. It fact, from the significant amount that I've played today, it would be fair to say that the story is like Elliott Smith's guitar*. That being said, it's probably more interesting than anything Infinity Ward did previously with World War II, and well, kudos for doing something original.
The more important thing is the way that the story is told, not the story itself
The prime example of this is the semi interactive cutscene directly after the wonderful Cold opening (which seems to be a trend we are seeing more and more often these days.).
Without spoiling anything too drastic, this portion of the game is not only genuinely affecting and moving, but also handles a delicate situation with a poise almost never shown in videogames.
Furthermore, it solidifies the validity of the First Person viewpoint as being something more then a tool to achieve a mean to an end (in most cases mindless shooting). Two other cases stand of my mind as being particularly intense, but that would be saying a little too much.
Without a doubt the best missions of these kind were the C-130 and the SAS sniping mission. Sure, this might be pushing the 'spoiler line' a little too far, but I really feel the need to be talked about, as the former was one of the most most surreal experiences of my life in general, not just video games. The graphics, combined with the cold voicing of the other occupants on the place made this level feel almost too real.
Herein lies the dichotomy of COD. For every level that exudes brilliance, there are two more that aren't so interesting. This isn't to say that they aren't good, as that is almost never the case, it's just that it's the same old Call of Duty. Obviously, there's nothing terribly wrong with the game play mechanics , that it's a disappointment to be thrown for something genuinely moving or surreal to endless terrorist closets and mediocre level design (Hey Infinity War, I'm sure as hell not a nuclear scientist, but Nuclear Fallout doe not the way you think it does).
As such it continues in the tradition of dividing time between different armies, in this case the British SAS and the Marines. Both of their respective mission are easy to differentiate between, something that hasn't always been the case with the series (I mean, Europe just kind of blends together after a while right?) . The SAS ones feel like something like an Andy Mcnab novel set in the early 90's, and have a much more team based feel to them (the first mission in particular feels like it was ripped out of Rainbow Six). Also, extra props to Infinity Ward for capturing the spirit of those wily Brits, especially in the exemplary voice acting.
One the other hand, the Marine missions have a much more contemporary feel (both in terms of time and in COD game play, as they generally feature you being a cog in much larger conflict).
*A Step down from average. ZING!
Monday, November 26, 2007
How to Write like them 101: Esquire: An interview with 'her'.
As she all but skips towards the table, the collective room stops and holds it's breath like the hands of someone they so dearly love. Like a deer stuck in front of some kind of feminine, idolized car they stare as she continues to daintily hoof her way to the table.
She could be Bambi, if Bambi had fucked her way to the top of Hollywood whilst ingesting indignant amounts of every substance known to man. Hell, if you listened to her side of the story, then she is Bambi.
The Double Scotch on her hand tells us a different story. This is a story of desperation. Of hanging on for dear life whilst the beast that is fame tries to buck you off, then continung to try and hang on, even though you fell off somewhere in between *that* appearance on Letterman on *that* appearance on a Toilet stall cam in Reno.
This story is much more interesting, this is the story that you would be hearing if we didn't fill up half our magazine with emasculating pictures of half naked men.
Instead I sit next next to her,as she downs her Scotch in one, perhaps a metaphor between ubiquity of fame and alcohol consumption, it certainly wouldn't be the first time that we've interpreted genius out a seemingly innocent and meaningless act. After all, Didn't Andy Warhol get a cover of our magazine?
Before I have the chance to finish this thought, she speaks, taking me on a journey through the mind scape of a genius.
'Is my Lipstick okay?' She asks, only half interested, as the rest of her being is more focused on the waiter, and the inevitable downer that is disturbingly enough, not yet in her hand.
This meaningless throwaway line alone demonstrates the rampant drug use, miscreant sexual behaviour and disregard for anything involving good taste resemble as if it was taboo to her, and as the drinks continue to be poured, it becomes harder to pour niceties into this article.
This in itself is the perfect example of the genius that occupies the aura of her, as seemingly without even trying she encapsulates everything that we are trying to avoid in this feature in an innocuous period of seconds, strewn together like the collective cast of television shows that she has slept with, thus fucking me out of a bonus.
According to her detractors, This god given ability to fuck people out of things that are valuable to them has been the sole reason that she's acted in the last 5 years. Sitting with her, it's hard to deny that is probably the truth, but today the truth isn't my job.
No, today I have to make an angel out what is ,probably, the devil poured into a red dress (which she spilled out of several times during the interview, once not even bothering to cover up the indiscretion). Why, because the readers of this beloved magazine have no time for slutty girls that are much more at home in the pages of FHM or Maxim.
No, instead the need class, or failing that, the illusion of class. Which is why I'm writing 500 words about her crossing the floor and ordering a drink, because it is impossible to write anything else about her life without using the words 'slut' 'regrettable incident' or any other number of words that are usually used in conjunction with the term 'Third Reich'. And you dear reader, cannot accept that. And that, I think as she walks away, is the most regrettable incident of all.
Annnnnnnnnnd Scene.
Yes, I knew that this is terrible and makes no sense. Half of this is intentional, the other half is not.
She could be Bambi, if Bambi had fucked her way to the top of Hollywood whilst ingesting indignant amounts of every substance known to man. Hell, if you listened to her side of the story, then she is Bambi.
The Double Scotch on her hand tells us a different story. This is a story of desperation. Of hanging on for dear life whilst the beast that is fame tries to buck you off, then continung to try and hang on, even though you fell off somewhere in between *that* appearance on Letterman on *that* appearance on a Toilet stall cam in Reno.
This story is much more interesting, this is the story that you would be hearing if we didn't fill up half our magazine with emasculating pictures of half naked men.
Instead I sit next next to her,as she downs her Scotch in one, perhaps a metaphor between ubiquity of fame and alcohol consumption, it certainly wouldn't be the first time that we've interpreted genius out a seemingly innocent and meaningless act. After all, Didn't Andy Warhol get a cover of our magazine?
Before I have the chance to finish this thought, she speaks, taking me on a journey through the mind scape of a genius.
'Is my Lipstick okay?' She asks, only half interested, as the rest of her being is more focused on the waiter, and the inevitable downer that is disturbingly enough, not yet in her hand.
This meaningless throwaway line alone demonstrates the rampant drug use, miscreant sexual behaviour and disregard for anything involving good taste resemble as if it was taboo to her, and as the drinks continue to be poured, it becomes harder to pour niceties into this article.
This in itself is the perfect example of the genius that occupies the aura of her, as seemingly without even trying she encapsulates everything that we are trying to avoid in this feature in an innocuous period of seconds, strewn together like the collective cast of television shows that she has slept with, thus fucking me out of a bonus.
According to her detractors, This god given ability to fuck people out of things that are valuable to them has been the sole reason that she's acted in the last 5 years. Sitting with her, it's hard to deny that is probably the truth, but today the truth isn't my job.
No, today I have to make an angel out what is ,probably, the devil poured into a red dress (which she spilled out of several times during the interview, once not even bothering to cover up the indiscretion). Why, because the readers of this beloved magazine have no time for slutty girls that are much more at home in the pages of FHM or Maxim.
No, instead the need class, or failing that, the illusion of class. Which is why I'm writing 500 words about her crossing the floor and ordering a drink, because it is impossible to write anything else about her life without using the words 'slut' 'regrettable incident' or any other number of words that are usually used in conjunction with the term 'Third Reich'. And you dear reader, cannot accept that. And that, I think as she walks away, is the most regrettable incident of all.
Annnnnnnnnnd Scene.
Yes, I knew that this is terrible and makes no sense. Half of this is intentional, the other half is not.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thought Processes that inhabited my brain this week.
Welcome to the first in a long boring series of Pop Culture related matters that inhabited my brain/inhibited my thinking for the week.
Mash Ups:
Imagine if you will, a mash up CD of Death Cab for Cuties’ Plans and Transatlanticism. It’ name? Plansatlanticism.
Don’t act like you’re not jealous, I can tell you are! I made it up! All by myself!
Gradual shifts in Cuteness.
Sunrise. Sunset.
For every ultra cute ex-OC girl appearing on House, there is a Heroes starlet changing from ‘cute’ to ‘You only have one copy of that tape right?’
This second one is not a good thing. Okay, well it’s kind of good.
Burn Out, Fade Away, Etc.
How does Ryan Adams write so many songs? I’ve written one and a half over this week and the resulting stress/depression/acknowledgement of ineptitude is enough to made me want to embed a kitchen knife in my leg.
Oh my god! She’s Mixing!
So this is how rehab feels.
Obviously the writers of my favorite TV shows have seen this blog, and deemed that it was best that I went cold turkey. The result? Me constantly question how I’m going to live the week out without loving the Office/whinging about Prison Break/ Limping and Criticizing everyone like House
They do call me the Human Metronome
Despite it only being mid-November I am already thinking of my Favourite of the Year lists. Strike it down to my OCD being in full effect, but making lists are lots of fun. Right up there with diligent note taking and sitting quietly.
Well, at least he hangs around with that cute almost-emo girl
Despite my previous thoughts, turn out that Summer Heights High wasn’t just a vehicle for Chris Lilley to use to continue his love of cross dressing. Sure, it lost momentum at the end, but in future I shall not be so hasty to hate.
Things that are jokes (Terrible terrible jokes, but jokes)
1
So, did anyone who voted in the Australian election noticed the What Women Want party?
Well, apparently the reason they did so badly was that even they weren't sure what their policies where. AOBF!
2
I've been meaning to watch Grey's Anatomy, as I girl that I used to know used to recommend it to me (unfortunately she never 'used' me if you catch my drift..). I was too lazy to find the DVD's, so I figured I'd read the book instead.
Personally I don't know what the fuss is, I mean, does this thing even have a plot? Barring the full frontal nudity, I'm not sure what why I'm actually reading it.
Things that, unfortunately, are not jokes:
The Terms 'Ruddslide', and even more comically 'Ruddbath'. Really? Why the fuck to news agencies feel the need to compact things. Watergate worked, becasue that's what it actually was.
Tell me, when Watergate actually happened were there any stupid headlines (Nixon 'Nix' documents! Leaking Papers? May You burn in 'Ell's' sir!) No, so why now?
'Rudd Wins Election'.
That's all you need to say.
Ah, simpler times.
Mash Ups:
Imagine if you will, a mash up CD of Death Cab for Cuties’ Plans and Transatlanticism. It’ name? Plansatlanticism.
Don’t act like you’re not jealous, I can tell you are! I made it up! All by myself!
Gradual shifts in Cuteness.
Sunrise. Sunset.
For every ultra cute ex-OC girl appearing on House, there is a Heroes starlet changing from ‘cute’ to ‘You only have one copy of that tape right?’
This second one is not a good thing. Okay, well it’s kind of good.
Burn Out, Fade Away, Etc.
How does Ryan Adams write so many songs? I’ve written one and a half over this week and the resulting stress/depression/acknowledgement of ineptitude is enough to made me want to embed a kitchen knife in my leg.
Oh my god! She’s Mixing!
So this is how rehab feels.
Obviously the writers of my favorite TV shows have seen this blog, and deemed that it was best that I went cold turkey. The result? Me constantly question how I’m going to live the week out without loving the Office/whinging about Prison Break/ Limping and Criticizing everyone like House
They do call me the Human Metronome
Despite it only being mid-November I am already thinking of my Favourite of the Year lists. Strike it down to my OCD being in full effect, but making lists are lots of fun. Right up there with diligent note taking and sitting quietly.
Well, at least he hangs around with that cute almost-emo girl
Despite my previous thoughts, turn out that Summer Heights High wasn’t just a vehicle for Chris Lilley to use to continue his love of cross dressing. Sure, it lost momentum at the end, but in future I shall not be so hasty to hate.
Things that are jokes (Terrible terrible jokes, but jokes)
1
So, did anyone who voted in the Australian election noticed the What Women Want party?
Well, apparently the reason they did so badly was that even they weren't sure what their policies where. AOBF!
2
I've been meaning to watch Grey's Anatomy, as I girl that I used to know used to recommend it to me (unfortunately she never 'used' me if you catch my drift..). I was too lazy to find the DVD's, so I figured I'd read the book instead.
Personally I don't know what the fuss is, I mean, does this thing even have a plot? Barring the full frontal nudity, I'm not sure what why I'm actually reading it.
Things that, unfortunately, are not jokes:
The Terms 'Ruddslide', and even more comically 'Ruddbath'. Really? Why the fuck to news agencies feel the need to compact things. Watergate worked, becasue that's what it actually was.
Tell me, when Watergate actually happened were there any stupid headlines (Nixon 'Nix' documents! Leaking Papers? May You burn in 'Ell's' sir!) No, so why now?
'Rudd Wins Election'.
That's all you need to say.
Ah, simpler times.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Hey Hey! You You! I don’t like your…Weighted Companion Cube?
I was recently asked by a friend why I only write about TV. Well, after reading this I think even he will be able to deduce why I don’t talk about other things. I may be bad at writing about TV shows, but at least you can watch the show and have a vague notion of what the fuck I’m talking about. Here it’s just a vague hodge-podge of Pop Culture references and me pining after fictional women. Good times.
Double Note: For this article, I’ll be assuming that a song is the same as a videogame.
Triple Note: 2.Am. Bad Writing. Unfortunately not well proof read, sorry.
It’s almost a law of videogame commentary that the comment constantly has to be made that videogames are, at least from a narrative viewpoint, are still in wetting the bed stage of life. I’m sure that both detractors and supporters of videogames have a myriad of theories on why this is. Whatever particular side may be arguing whatever insipidly boring point, it’s generally a given that the term ‘art’ will be tossed around like god only knows what*.
Me, I couldn’t care what the jury decides. In fact, generally any discussion on the merits of videogames as art ranks somewhere around the upcoming Australian election in terms of things I devote my thought processes to (you really don’t want to know what exactly I devote my thoughts to, really). However, with one of those events coming up this Saturday, and this year in general being (I feel) an important one for the other, the two produced a duo so powerful that I was unable to resist, and (for a while at least) my ongoing argument (with myself) about why Avril Lavigne is the most overlooked woman in pop today has had to be on hold. Or maybe not
In fact, looking back on it, it’s almost a law of music commentary that Avril Lavigne, at least from a musical viewpoint, is still the ‘not quite writing her own songs phase’. However, in this discussion her detractors are too busy posting on the A.V Club, and her supporters are too stupid/busy/uninterested to comment. However, if this discussion was to take place, you can bet Emmys to Oscars that the world ‘artist’ would get thrown around like god knows what.
Just as the cultural sphere has hesitated to call videogames ‘art’ we have seen the same negativity at the thought of call Avril Lavigne an ‘artist’
In fact now that I think of it, 2007 has been an important year for I way view both Avril Lavigne and videogames **. Sure, this may nothing but me trying to thinly bead together two totally unrelated things because I’m totally out of ideas for other things to write, but bear with me for a minute***.
For the record, I’m truly not sure about videogames being art, and yes, I do consider Avril Lavigne to be an artist. This isn’t to say that I like Avril Lavigne’s music, or that I don’t like videogames (I do like them, way, way too much), it’s just the way I see it.
Now, as I alluded to earlier (in fact less than 100 words earlier) there where two videogames that made me (temporarily) rethink my position on their categorization of ‘not art’, and there two songs that solidified my belief that Avril Lavigne is a perfectly legitimate artist.
Furthermore, to me at least, there are some pretty significant parallels between the two (seemingly unrelated!) topics. Just like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang!
Firstly, I want to talk about The Darkness, a game that for me was one of the best experiences (at least from a narrative standpoint) of the year. Even though I’m generally a smartass (who isn’t funny) I’d much rather see something done seriously, and I feel that The Darkness had a mature plotline that was not only done…maturely, but was also damn well written.
I’m sure I’m not introducing a new of thinking when I suggest that the Darkness is in many ways reminiscent of Max Payne. Not only in the fact that both of them had a Film-Noir like narrative, but in fact that both of them actually any semblance of narrative and story direction at all.True, only the Darkness featured a look-a-like of Conor Oberst, but you get the thinking right?
Not only were their depictions of
Seriously, in the Darkness those levels were disturbing, as was the incident at the very end where the Darkness took control of you, and you got to witness some pretty horrific stuff.
In fact, the game was horrific in general, but was the kind of horrific that envelops and engrosses you. It held its serious tone throughout and never tried to cheapen the story. It never copped out, and the ending in particular was wonderfully melancholy (especially in an industry where the term is as foreign as ‘legitimate female character’)
As you can probably guess by now, I haven’t been as smitten with a fictional thing since watching Olivia Wilde’s character on House tonight (around two hours ago). The Darkness included everything that I think a great game should have. Whilst it was no means perfect, it at least set a precedent for how story in games should be told. Whilst it probably won’t be noticed (Space Marines sell copies bitches!), I think it should set an example of how narrative in games can succeed in 2007. In fact, it’s the best way of story telling in videogames that I have witnessed in a long time, perhaps ever.
Now here’s where the leap of faith starts, as the same thing could be said about Avril Lavigne’s song When You’re Gone, as I think it represents the best chance that Avril Lavigne to grow up, because let’s face it, before this has career has had more semblance to a knock knock joke than a real music career. Without a doubt, this career shift is just as micromanaged as all her other ‘evolutions’, but this time her identity restructuring is not so obvious as before, and it’s create her best music (which isn’t saying that much)
Permit me to demonstrate:
Three years, when you thought of Avril Lavigne she was immensely popular, but pigeonholed a performer. If you weren’t 15, female, and felt as displaced
Flash forward to 2007, and she’s in that ‘almost credible as a legitimate pop artist’ category, which technically speaking is a step up from countless Idol losers, but a step down from Adam Levine’s Bare chest and Pete Wentz’s eyeliner*****. When You’re Gone presents Avril Lavigne’s best change in half of forever to be come a legitimate artist. Sure, she’s never going to release an XO or an Under the Black light, but she does have the opportunity to a respectable pop musician (at least in the same way that ‘terrorists’ are considered ‘freedom fighters’). In short, it actually feels like she is actually in charge of her career, not some mindless execu-bot. Hmm, people in total charge of creative development? Remind you of any game companies? Permit me to continue.
If the Darkness did narrative well for tragedies, then Portal was Spinal Tap to its
Yep, Portal really took to the zeitgeist of the gaming community by storm in 2007. It was fun, quick dirty, and reminded us what video games should be. Remind you of anything? If Portal was the perfect example of a fun videogame done well, then Girlfriend was the perfect example of a fun pop song done to perfection
Both of them are totally throw away products. Sure Portal was a great game, but it was short, and a perfect exercise in consumerist production (I say that in the most loving way possible, and in everyway acknowledge it’s genius). Same with Girlfriend, it was simple the essence of stupid vapid pop music. But it was stupid, valid pop music done well. In short, both of them were gem’s shining in the cesspools of their collective industries.
Make no mistake, Avril is growing up. If Skater Boy was her Your Body is a Wonderland, then When Your Gone is her Gravity, in effect making her a more masculine version of John Mayer.
One thing I need to make clear is that this is only in my view. There is obviously no way that Portal would legitimatize gaming in the eyes of the mainstream media, but to me it demonstrated an important benchmark in games, because truthfully, barring Lucasarts, who has done comedies well in gaming?******. Similarly, it’s going to be a long time until Avril Lavigne (if ever) is considered legitimate. I’m just saying that this year, in my eyes, some important strides have been made in both videogames and girly pop music.
Also, yes I understand this is the dumbest thing ever written and relies entirely on anecdotal evidence. But really, is there any other kind?
*Funnily enough, the only time you’ll hear the word ‘art’ more is when you ask 100 University graduates what the most pointless degree is.
**Of course, I’m sure John Howard could be thrown into the mix, but this analogy is already complicated enough. Besides, assuming this analogy is true, then he’s throw off my mojo with Avril. Three’s a Crowd don’t cha know?#
***Also, it gives me the opportunity to look at pictures of Avril Lavigne under the guise of ‘research’.
****I’ve never been to NYC, but surely it’s not that bad right?
*****Okay, so not really.
******I include both the current Sam and Max and Tim Schafer in that broad use of ‘Lucasarts.
#Also, assuming this reality is real, Avirl’s husband has died, leaving us to make angsty music together.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Storytime: Mega Heroes Roundup!
I have been rather slack with Heroes recently, but what can I say? TV shows with multiple narratives confuse me, keeping track of those people This isn’t a Springsteen album damnit, I want things simple.
With that admirable philosophy in mind, I am going to talk about the last three episodes, keeping it to a nice 300 word of less each (hopefully):
206: Was it just me, did this feel like a ‘very special’ episode of Heroes? Not only was there the none too subtle Teen Drinking sermonizing, but there was only the whole illegal immigrants crossing over the border issue. Am I reading to much into this, or is Kristen Bell’ s arrival turning Heroes into the Left Wing equivalent of the Simpsons (kidding…).
Okay, so maybe not, but this will be forever be the episode that really kicked the Second Season of Heroes off (as well as taking away Kristen Bell from us so soon). Noah really showed his badass/ever side by violently executing his mentor (is there any other way?), a fact that showed just how determined he is to keep his family safe. Ambiguity has always been a big playing point in Heroes (even Sylar was something of an antihero once upon a time). Whereas other shows drive ambiguity and trust into a shallow, shallow grave, Heroes does it to near perfection. Prison Break take notes: We sometimes don’t know who to trust, but it’s still truly enjoyable, mainly because the trust issues come down to great character driven moments (see Noah’s execution again).
Whilst Noah may be skirting that thin line between Jack Bauer and Charles Starkweather, Sylar is already well into the ‘picking up 14 year old girls’ stage of insanity (to continue the metaphor*) and the show is damn better for it. Having a villain such as Sylar is a real asset to the show, as even though he is about as ambiguous as Zac Efron, he is still likable (unlike Zac Efron).
207: Like I said, the season is starting to get some Kitkzcah (Jewish word for kick) into it, culminating with the best ‘holy shit’ moment in perhaps the history Heroes (or at least this season). Adam/Takezo appearing there was a great twist, and I’m looking forward until the inevitable Adam/Hiro reunion? What exactly do you say to somebody who killed you 400 years ago? Belated reunions aside, I think that Adam is going to be one of the more interesting characters this season, and the company’s betrayal of him adds yet another line to the ever widening web of Company conspiracy. I mean, stuck in a cell for 30 years? That’s gotta boil the bisque in your bones (does that mean anything?)
In broad series news, we can take this episode as confirmation that the virus is going to play the ‘nuclear bomb’ role of season 1. Whilst I’m interested to see how this turns out, as it doesn’t have the same empathy factor as a human bomb, but I’m also a little disappointed. Although first looks count for nothing in Heroes (barring two very obvious cases)
I’m not that enthused about the crew trying to prevent another NYC evacuation. Also, there had better be a damn good explanation for why exactly this strand of virus to immune to sexy doctor Indian blood (kidding!), and it’s not a case of Deus Ex Machinma.
Another development that left me disappointed was the whole ‘dream sequence’ with Matt’s father, which seemed an extremely corny departure for Heroes. Although, credit to the writers, it didn’t last as long as I thought that it would (luckily).
And, the less said about West and Claire the better. That whole thing was painful. Also, couldn’t Hiro have just grabbed Tazeko? Or at least realized that he would be fine in the explosion?
Of course, it would not be fair to end this section without a section without a talk about Elle, a character I’m starting to really like (and not just because of Ms Mars). Not only is she insane (in a wonderfully awesome way) but as she says herself, her powers have messed up her life something bad. The resentment at having some incredible powers is something not often touched in Heroes, and I think this is really unfortunate. Sure, we see people coming to grips with their power, but we hardly ever see full blown resentment and life ruining from them. I dunno, perhaps people are more interested in horrendously bad teenage romance plots.
208:
You know, the whole Adam Monroe storyline was awesome, but I’m actually more interested in what they didn’t show. I mean, where the fuck where the Bennett’s? Or Sylar? After Peter, surely Sylar’s activates during the hiatus would have been the most interesting? Sure, he might have been asleep for the four or so months, but at least fill us in on who was looking after him, and how he survived the season 1 finale.
The lack of these stories is understandable though, giving the sheer volume that the show had to get through in 40 minutes. There is only a limited time, and the newbie Herrara family kind of had to be included, as did Peter descent into amnesia. This brings me to Hawkins family, who as many you know, are the bane of my Heroes viewing. Nothing personal, it’s just that they’re annoying and I wished them a fiery, fiery death. I must say, this episode proved to be the exception to the rule, as I thought it their story was done really well. Not only was it quite a sweet storyline, with D.L trying to be a ‘true’ hero (and succeeding aplomb!) but it drove home the fact that ‘Heroes’ trying to be normal is the most futile fucking exercise in the history of the universe.
However (you knew it was coming) it felt awfully tacked on, and as I said, that’s kind of unforgivable when there’s amazing narratives like Sylar’s. I mean, split the time of the Hawkins and put in some Sylar time!
As I mentioned before, the newbie’s where kind of a given in this episode, but like the Hawkins, I enjoyed their back story much more than I enjoy whole trek across
Finally there is the Petrelli storyline line, which was done perfectly. So as much as I complain, I also need to give kudos when stories are done properly, and this one wrapped up all the loose ends and tied them into a pretty little bow to wrap around the whole episode. Yeah, I know that’s stupid, but who cares? It’s not as if anyone’s reading this!
*Can you figure I’ve been listening to
**Perhaps the gayest thing I have ever written. Ever. That includes anything that may be stored in hidden folders in my ipod.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
The Conundrum of being the Tortoise:
As I’m sure every other Australian who has a passing interest in nerdy happenings would know, Australia is generally pretty behind the ball on everything, television being no exception.
However to the television stations credit, this has changed a little this year, with Seven and Ten ‘fast tracking’ several important shows (oh and Nine with Viva Laughlin or whatever it was) in some sort of begrudging acknowledgment of the fact that people who what Bittorrent is.
Me for this idea works pretty well, although there have been some strange choices made (Californiacation, although surprisingly good, was a weird choice).
Of course with the writers strike looming over television like so much dirty rain the whole fast tracking issue is proving kind of moot, as many of the shows are facing hiatus (or already arrieved).
The way that Australian stations are reacting to this is something (I feel) is worth discussing.
The whole notion piqued my interest when I saw Ten running (very) late night advertisements for Kane (an almost spiritual successor to the Sopranos that looks, well, almost interesting) in the timeslot where in a usually got my fix of misanthropic doctors. Judging from Nine’s treatment of the Sopranos, I can only imagine where Kane would have been relegated to without the strikes, but now it’s being given prime position (undoubtedly being an attractive prospect for Ten because it’s completed it’s initial run of 13 episodes, so no strike worries). Ten are also showing America’s Top Model (no comment) which (I believe…) is also the same one being shown over in states, which leads me (in a roundabout way to my next/first question: Is it going to be worth the trouble of airing shows when they there is no discernable way to continue them? The way I see it, TV stations have three choices:
1: Start the new season of shows and pray that those damn Pinkos stop striking (kidding!). This in my opinion is the best solution because:
a) It gets the new shows out for people to watch, and if the writer’s strike lifts at just the right time then it will play out perfectly.
b) With the hiatus of Heroes/ Prison Break/ other important show it will mean that we will get to see shows earlier, as channels will need something to fill the gap.
This hypothetical is kind of unlikely because:
a) TV channels may want to save shows for when the drought becomes really bad.
b) If they start the a series of new shows, and then the writers strike ends, then they have a fuck ton of shows and nowhere to put them (until much, much later)
c) TV stations are assholes and hate us having new things.
2: TV stations decide to use this time to repeat TV shows that never got their fair chance. Not only would it be cheaper than getting news shows, but it would also be a chance to educate viewers, thing of it as a ‘Best shows you’ve never seen’ kind of thing. ‘
Personally, I think it could be great, even though anyone who’s anyone has the DVD’s.Imagine seeing Veronica Mars/ Arrested Development/ The Office / Deadwood (FUCK YES!) at a respectable timeslot. Hell, they don’t even have to be that obtuse (even though none of them are very obtuse to begin with), just something that never got it’s fair go.
As much as this one sounds good, I figure it even more unlikely because if TV stations are assholes, than people are the waste disposal unit, willing to take anything given to them. Why waste money explaining to people why the US The Office is just as good as the British one when there According to Jim smugly smiling it’s fat ass off? This brings me to my next point:
3: TV Hell/Purgotry. Like Two and a Half Men? No? Well you will after it’s been shoved down your fucking throat every night for a month (I’m not touching that one with a ten foot pole). Yep, at the end of it you’ll be feeling like Lindsay Lohan (okay, so I lied*, I still you love you Lindsay!)
Seriously though, out of the three doors, unrelenting repeats of Border Security/NCIS/ Law and Order whatever seems like the most likely possibility. I mean, have you seen the ratings for Border Security? Either people are dumb, racist, or totally in love with the sound of Grant Bowlers voice.
That being said, Kane has set a precedent, so let’s hope it continues.
Tomorrow: Heroes roundup. Yep, Kristen Bell, Hayden Panetterie all tied up in Milo V’s emo swipe. Kinky.
*After rereading this three times, it only now dawns on me just how dirty it is.
However to the television stations credit, this has changed a little this year, with Seven and Ten ‘fast tracking’ several important shows (oh and Nine with Viva Laughlin or whatever it was) in some sort of begrudging acknowledgment of the fact that people who what Bittorrent is.
Me for this idea works pretty well, although there have been some strange choices made (Californiacation, although surprisingly good, was a weird choice).
Of course with the writers strike looming over television like so much dirty rain the whole fast tracking issue is proving kind of moot, as many of the shows are facing hiatus (or already arrieved).
The way that Australian stations are reacting to this is something (I feel) is worth discussing.
The whole notion piqued my interest when I saw Ten running (very) late night advertisements for Kane (an almost spiritual successor to the Sopranos that looks, well, almost interesting) in the timeslot where in a usually got my fix of misanthropic doctors. Judging from Nine’s treatment of the Sopranos, I can only imagine where Kane would have been relegated to without the strikes, but now it’s being given prime position (undoubtedly being an attractive prospect for Ten because it’s completed it’s initial run of 13 episodes, so no strike worries). Ten are also showing America’s Top Model (no comment) which (I believe…) is also the same one being shown over in states, which leads me (in a roundabout way to my next/first question: Is it going to be worth the trouble of airing shows when they there is no discernable way to continue them? The way I see it, TV stations have three choices:
1: Start the new season of shows and pray that those damn Pinkos stop striking (kidding!). This in my opinion is the best solution because:
a) It gets the new shows out for people to watch, and if the writer’s strike lifts at just the right time then it will play out perfectly.
b) With the hiatus of Heroes/ Prison Break/ other important show it will mean that we will get to see shows earlier, as channels will need something to fill the gap.
This hypothetical is kind of unlikely because:
a) TV channels may want to save shows for when the drought becomes really bad.
b) If they start the a series of new shows, and then the writers strike ends, then they have a fuck ton of shows and nowhere to put them (until much, much later)
c) TV stations are assholes and hate us having new things.
2: TV stations decide to use this time to repeat TV shows that never got their fair chance. Not only would it be cheaper than getting news shows, but it would also be a chance to educate viewers, thing of it as a ‘Best shows you’ve never seen’ kind of thing. ‘
Personally, I think it could be great, even though anyone who’s anyone has the DVD’s.Imagine seeing Veronica Mars/ Arrested Development/ The Office / Deadwood (FUCK YES!) at a respectable timeslot. Hell, they don’t even have to be that obtuse (even though none of them are very obtuse to begin with), just something that never got it’s fair go.
As much as this one sounds good, I figure it even more unlikely because if TV stations are assholes, than people are the waste disposal unit, willing to take anything given to them. Why waste money explaining to people why the US The Office is just as good as the British one when there According to Jim smugly smiling it’s fat ass off? This brings me to my next point:
3: TV Hell/Purgotry. Like Two and a Half Men? No? Well you will after it’s been shoved down your fucking throat every night for a month (I’m not touching that one with a ten foot pole). Yep, at the end of it you’ll be feeling like Lindsay Lohan (okay, so I lied*, I still you love you Lindsay!)
Seriously though, out of the three doors, unrelenting repeats of Border Security/NCIS/ Law and Order whatever seems like the most likely possibility. I mean, have you seen the ratings for Border Security? Either people are dumb, racist, or totally in love with the sound of Grant Bowlers voice.
That being said, Kane has set a precedent, so let’s hope it continues.
Tomorrow: Heroes roundup. Yep, Kristen Bell, Hayden Panetterie all tied up in Milo V’s emo swipe. Kinky.
*After rereading this three times, it only now dawns on me just how dirty it is.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Storytime: The Office 0407: Survivor Man
Although you probably wouldn’t know it from my entries, I think that being concise is a trait to be valued. Whilst other shows (Heroes, I’m looking at you) can take entire episodes (or even seasons!) to convey emotions or themes, the Office needs a minute, or even less, to succinctly convey sweet, sweet emotion. I’m not sure if I’m viewing the Office thought some kind of mind altering device (or substance for that matter), or it’s the perfect convergence of every creative aspect involved in the show, but this damn show makes my heart three times too big. In keeping with the theme of convergence, this was another episode written by Steve Carrell, proving he’s not just a pretty face (to some people)
Survivor man was the perfect example of how well the Office does whatever the hell it does. It held some similarities to last week, at least to the extent that it was Michael out of the Office on another zany premise, but this time the ‘in-Office’ story was far more poignant. To this effect, it felt like a sister-sode (made up word!) to Business School in season three (although not as good), although this time Pam was not the focus.
Jim’s difficulty in keeping everybody happy perfectly summed up the way that we, perhaps inevitably, slide into being what we despise, a point that was perfectly encapsulated in the closing credits exchange between Michael and Jim.
Well, that and the ‘conference room’ moment. Although it was visible a mile away, it was still great (like a morbidly obese person with you favorite type of pizza, just waiting for you to eat it.)
The whole birthday in the office was good (and a move from the more business related tone of this the last few episodes), but I felt that Dwight really thrived for the first time this season. Perhaps it him being introduced into the wilderness, his natural environment, but it was the first time that he really stole the show (anything involving weapons was gold). Perhaps this was related to his new found confidence regarding the Angela situation (was it just me, or did she look like a fox tonight? The good kind, not the Roald Dahl kind) but it was good to see him back to his old self.
In more seasonal developments, I think this episode in particular demonstrated that Jim, as well as Michael are going to be involved in some big paradigm (to quote Ryan the exec) shifting this season. Perhaps it’s just my seething jealousy at taking Pam away (I have still not been shown concrete proof that the Office is not a documentary, and therefore both Pam and the office itself must exist) but I’m starting to turn on Jim. What’s more, it’s feels like the writers want me to turn against him. I mean, I just keep finding myself thinking ‘what a douche bag thing to do’. That being said, it was kind of hard not to feel bad for at the end
Similarly, it feels like there’s more empathy based storylines being given to Michael. With each passing episode he becomes more an idiot and less an asshole (which is the opposite of what I like to call ‘the Michael Bay effect’).
Closing thoughts? This was a great episode (maybe my favorite so far this season), and yes, yet again, I have to mention: Angela was a fox.
Survivor man was the perfect example of how well the Office does whatever the hell it does. It held some similarities to last week, at least to the extent that it was Michael out of the Office on another zany premise, but this time the ‘in-Office’ story was far more poignant. To this effect, it felt like a sister-sode (made up word!) to Business School in season three (although not as good), although this time Pam was not the focus.
Jim’s difficulty in keeping everybody happy perfectly summed up the way that we, perhaps inevitably, slide into being what we despise, a point that was perfectly encapsulated in the closing credits exchange between Michael and Jim.
Well, that and the ‘conference room’ moment. Although it was visible a mile away, it was still great (like a morbidly obese person with you favorite type of pizza, just waiting for you to eat it.)
The whole birthday in the office was good (and a move from the more business related tone of this the last few episodes), but I felt that Dwight really thrived for the first time this season. Perhaps it him being introduced into the wilderness, his natural environment, but it was the first time that he really stole the show (anything involving weapons was gold). Perhaps this was related to his new found confidence regarding the Angela situation (was it just me, or did she look like a fox tonight? The good kind, not the Roald Dahl kind) but it was good to see him back to his old self.
In more seasonal developments, I think this episode in particular demonstrated that Jim, as well as Michael are going to be involved in some big paradigm (to quote Ryan the exec) shifting this season. Perhaps it’s just my seething jealousy at taking Pam away (I have still not been shown concrete proof that the Office is not a documentary, and therefore both Pam and the office itself must exist) but I’m starting to turn on Jim. What’s more, it’s feels like the writers want me to turn against him. I mean, I just keep finding myself thinking ‘what a douche bag thing to do’. That being said, it was kind of hard not to feel bad for at the end
Similarly, it feels like there’s more empathy based storylines being given to Michael. With each passing episode he becomes more an idiot and less an asshole (which is the opposite of what I like to call ‘the Michael Bay effect’).
Closing thoughts? This was a great episode (maybe my favorite so far this season), and yes, yet again, I have to mention: Angela was a fox.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Storytime: Prison Break 0308: Bang and Burn
You know, tonight's episode of Prison Break made me ponder the usefulness of Schofield. I mean, if I was the Company, why would I bother go through all the trouble of manhandling Schofield to do my dirty work? Especially when helicopters and generic baddies are far easier to come by than mopey tattooed dudes (assuming you're looking at the right kind of concert). For that matter, why did the Helicopter aided escape attempt fail? I mean, the damn thing just stood there looking like it had been asked to prom by the cutest boy in school. In I could sit in my Armchair General…armchair for a moment; may I suggest that it would have a good idea to get the fuck out of dodge? Maybe worry about Schofield later?
Apart from (the now dormant) writers screwing us out of yet another escape (this one seems much more rational) it was an episode that didn't really give us anything to chew on or (for myself) complain about. As I discussed (at excessive) length last week Prison Break seems increasingly intent on diluting it's original formula with plot points up the wazoo. The first (and event the second) season relied on tension, but it was a kind of corny tension, the objectives and characters where nearly always predictable, but that was the reason that it was so enjoyable.
Maybe it's my control issues running rampant again, but I feel like this tension has been traded in for a kind of cheap twist that makes the show not only worse, but also perversely predictable (but in a bad way this time).
But enough harping on, it's perhaps time to actually talk about Bake and Burn (or is that my mother's cooking? ZING!), which was an okay episode, at least in the context of this season.
The whole 'hidden tunnel' was at the same time a feasible development and an example of dues ex machinma. As I suggested last week, Lechero's knowledge of the Prison hierarchy and layout would be a beneficial addition. I say this not only towards to the actual escape plan, but also to the show in general. It was interesting seeing Lechero in this episode being torn between his duties inside the prison and the suddenly clear realization that he may be able to get out of there of there one his back his new found white boy. It was also nice to have a new Sona-confined antagonist, considering that the writers seem to be avoiding T-Bag and Bellick like they're, well, T-Bag and Bellick.
I understand the shunning stance on Bellick, but why T-Bag? His rise up the Sona drug ladder would at least be more interesting then seeing Schofield and Whistler dutifully cling to a rope one to waste time.
Whistler turned out to the surprise during this episode, even though he never made a move on Schofield (no, not that kind of move) the fact that he had a little plan of his own is going to make things very different between the pair (ooh, what about a split and an Amazing Race type competition to get out of Sona First).
This is of course assuming that Schofield ever comes back to Sona, although I get the feeling that his hiatus is going to be short lived. After all, wasn't it about this time in season one that he went into Solitary (okay, so maybe a bit later), but it seems like a temporary way of getting Schofield out of Sona.
On the other hand, Mahone is someone whom I'd be very surprised to see back in Sona. his inquiry (is that the right word?) going badly I think we've seen the last of him inside the Prison Walls. It just feels like the whole drug addict storyline has reached its apex, and seeing anymore would be kind of tedious.
Meanwhile in the outside world, Linc and Sucre are up to something. Something that could turn out to be rather interesting, although I have no idea what it is (am I really stupid or has that not been explained yet?). Speaking of speaking, and having no idea, did the whole litany of telephone calls seem horribly convoluted? Also, call me a sexist, but the women where downright boring this episode.
Despite all my objections, I'm still going to watch Prison Break (although not until January now). Firstly because I'm an idiot, and secondly because I need to see how it ends, no matter how disenfranchised I become. I've never been able to turn my back on a TV show, and it's not going to start now. I'm like a bear, I mate for life baby*.
*I have no idea if bears actually make for life, but I assume they would. If a spouse bear committed adultery then the other bear could kick it's ass. Would you want to be on the receiving end of those claws? No, I didn't think so.
Apart from (the now dormant) writers screwing us out of yet another escape (this one seems much more rational) it was an episode that didn't really give us anything to chew on or (for myself) complain about. As I discussed (at excessive) length last week Prison Break seems increasingly intent on diluting it's original formula with plot points up the wazoo. The first (and event the second) season relied on tension, but it was a kind of corny tension, the objectives and characters where nearly always predictable, but that was the reason that it was so enjoyable.
Maybe it's my control issues running rampant again, but I feel like this tension has been traded in for a kind of cheap twist that makes the show not only worse, but also perversely predictable (but in a bad way this time).
But enough harping on, it's perhaps time to actually talk about Bake and Burn (or is that my mother's cooking? ZING!), which was an okay episode, at least in the context of this season.
The whole 'hidden tunnel' was at the same time a feasible development and an example of dues ex machinma. As I suggested last week, Lechero's knowledge of the Prison hierarchy and layout would be a beneficial addition. I say this not only towards to the actual escape plan, but also to the show in general. It was interesting seeing Lechero in this episode being torn between his duties inside the prison and the suddenly clear realization that he may be able to get out of there of there one his back his new found white boy. It was also nice to have a new Sona-confined antagonist, considering that the writers seem to be avoiding T-Bag and Bellick like they're, well, T-Bag and Bellick.
I understand the shunning stance on Bellick, but why T-Bag? His rise up the Sona drug ladder would at least be more interesting then seeing Schofield and Whistler dutifully cling to a rope one to waste time.
Whistler turned out to the surprise during this episode, even though he never made a move on Schofield (no, not that kind of move) the fact that he had a little plan of his own is going to make things very different between the pair (ooh, what about a split and an Amazing Race type competition to get out of Sona First).
This is of course assuming that Schofield ever comes back to Sona, although I get the feeling that his hiatus is going to be short lived. After all, wasn't it about this time in season one that he went into Solitary (okay, so maybe a bit later), but it seems like a temporary way of getting Schofield out of Sona.
On the other hand, Mahone is someone whom I'd be very surprised to see back in Sona. his inquiry (is that the right word?) going badly I think we've seen the last of him inside the Prison Walls. It just feels like the whole drug addict storyline has reached its apex, and seeing anymore would be kind of tedious.
Meanwhile in the outside world, Linc and Sucre are up to something. Something that could turn out to be rather interesting, although I have no idea what it is (am I really stupid or has that not been explained yet?). Speaking of speaking, and having no idea, did the whole litany of telephone calls seem horribly convoluted? Also, call me a sexist, but the women where downright boring this episode.
Despite all my objections, I'm still going to watch Prison Break (although not until January now). Firstly because I'm an idiot, and secondly because I need to see how it ends, no matter how disenfranchised I become. I've never been able to turn my back on a TV show, and it's not going to start now. I'm like a bear, I mate for life baby*.
*I have no idea if bears actually make for life, but I assume they would. If a spouse bear committed adultery then the other bear could kick it's ass. Would you want to be on the receiving end of those claws? No, I didn't think so.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Gossip Girl Rant Chapter 1: Wherein out hero admits things that he is sure to regret later.
Tonight I would like to stray from my usual remarks about points in television episodes that nobody cares about. Instead, I will talk about a television show that nobody who checked the ‘Hetro’ box seems to talk about. Except, of course, myself, and the jury may even still be about on that, according to my latest horoscope.
Gossip Girl, at least for my money, is the best new show of the season (sorry, Reaper, it pains me to say it.). Initially it was because Leighton Meester is perhaps the cutest thing on TV (again, I am not using the prefix perhaps in some kind of smartass sarcastic manner, I am using it to cover myself*), but it’s certainly started to come into its own.
Perhaps the primary reason for this is that I have stopped comparing both the general premise and the characters themselves to the O.C, something which is central to enjoying it.
Sure, there are some similarities (Does Serena’s mum look like Kirsten or do I have middle aged blonde woman glaucoma?) but I probably wouldn’t have even known they had similar creative teams had I not been told. Perhaps the biggest difference lies in what I feel is going to be the ultimate appeal of Gossip Girl. The O.C was (at least for one and a half years) a cultural zeitgeist for young people. Gossip Girl is probably never going to come to this (in fact I get the feeling it’s going to be one of those ‘I wish it had lasted’ TV shows)
Not only did it include (be it in stereotypical form or not) most subcultures relevant at the time, but it had morals, but never veered into being ‘Very Special’ (I of course neglect to mention the Pot plotline, as nothing after the Senior Prom episode exists to me**).
Gossip Girl on the other, seems to bathe in excess, and (you are now rapidly approaching the dumbest thing I’ve ever written!) almost seems to have an element of Film Noir in the way that there are no good characters. It contains two types of characters: people who you know are assholes, and people who are probably assholes (the exception is Dan’s dad, who is rapidly becoming my new idol.)
Far be it from me to say it, but maybe this an example of (particularly youth ‘dramedy’)television moving towards darker themes. All of the characters have poor parental relationships and fucked up badly at least one in the seven episodes (or just beforehand). Is it just me, or just this somehow make for relatable characters (despite the class divide) or it just my misanthropy at work again?
In a more personal sense, Blair is absolutely my favourite character, and not only because she should be sewn on to the front on every cardigan (cute? Button? Hello? Is this thing on?), but also because she is bat-shit fucking insane. A close second is her (not so cute) usual partner in crime Chuck Bass, but is the perfect personification of everythin that Gossip Girl is trying too…well…personify… Also, in a strange twist I don’t find myself hating any of the characters, although Dan’s stupidity sometimes makes me question his sanity (which in turn makes me question my own, as I am questioning the sanity of a fictional character).
The darkness is also evident in the settings of both Gossip Girl and the O.C (In case the name didn’t tip you off) Orange Country suited the decidedly more gentle and less and intimidating plotlines of the O.C. People were assholes, but they were generally good assholes, and was a pretty happy place. You knew who your enemies where, be them crazy Surf Nazis or crazy Cute blondes who like Bright Eyes.
Meta-narrative is turning out to be to the biggest talking point for people (such as myself) with too much time on their hands. In the O.C Ryan almost acted as a guide to the viewer, both of them being thrown headfirst into the cultural excesses of Orange County (don’t call it that…).Through him The O.C was always skeptical of both popularity and excess, and yet Gossip Girl positively idolizes and encourages them.
This is true to a degree with Dan (or maybe the unnamed narrator) in Gossip Girl, but positively comparing the two any further would be an exercise in futility (and I can tell you a thing or two about that) The O.C was always skeptical of both popularity and excess, and yet Gossip Girl positively idolizes and encourages them.
Yes, after reading this again I am aware that I have done almost nothing but compared Gossip Girl to the O.C, evem whilst I said that I wouldn’t do it anymore. But just like telling your favourite celebrity to shut the fuck up, I am doing it out love, not hate. I still feel that it’s being grouped with the O.C way too (check out the latest A.V Club T.V entry for proof, although the review is other wise great), but whatever right?
I also know that I haven’t so much talked about Gossip Girl as I have utter crap.
*Coincidently, this sarcastic use of words like ‘perhaps’ and ‘slightly’ is one of the most annoying literary abominations ever, along with combining ‘man’ and ‘Activity or Product X’ to come up with a delightfully witty pun. Example ‘Manernoon’ (yes, that word actually exists), What the fuck does that even mean, and why is it needed? Rest assured, this will be discussed in more, agonizing detail later.
**Except Rachael Bilson, who could murder everyone I loved and I’d still probably help her dispose of the bodies. Well, I’d at least move them, but I sure as hell ain’t digging a grave, too much work.
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