Story Time (Now With Bullets, Call EMINEM!) 0405: Local Ad

The Office. 0405

-In Bullet Point! With extra delayed discussion. That’s delayed discussion that is extra, not discussion that is ‘extra delayed’, so to speak. Although, since the episode came out 5 five days ago it could also be considered the latter.

-That was really short eh (that’s what she said!)? 21 minutes felt went by so quick after being treated to all those 42 minute episodes. I didn’t actually like it much the first time, but it grew on me on the second (third…) viewings. Michael’s treatment of Ryan continues to be wonderful. To draw on a long dead metaphor, it kind of mirrors the whole GOB thinking he is boss of Michael in Arrested Development. Okay, well not really, but I just needed to squeeze it in, so to speak.

-This episode in particular hastened the theme of Jim being unhappy with what he’s doing. The whole Second Life Avatar scenario really spelt it out for the dumber audience viewers, such as myself. Along with Michaels breakdown (which was still kind of present in this episode) I hope they’ll become themes for the season.

-The Dunder Mifflin crew are a very creative bunch. Michaels ad was perfectly written to reflect him, and was fucking hilarious. I think it may have been the first time this season that I actually laughed out loud (or LOL, for 2002 devotees) at the sheer insanity of it.

-Darryl is a musical genius, of that there is no denying. But really, why no ‘Needs More Cowbell’ reference? Michael (and Kevin) love that SNL, and the song creation would have been the perfect time to slip it in, so to speak.

-The less said about Pam’s bed head, the better. Why? Because the mere mentioning of it is likely make me write like I’m Noam Chomsky and said hair is Any Socialist Countries Anything (i.e: Whilst the subject matter is incredibly interesting to ourselves, nobody else cares, and the fact that we can’t shut up is a little disconcerting)

-From what I’ve heard about user levels, Dwight and Philly Jim may just be only two people actually playing Second Life…

-Speaking of Mr Scrute, I hope that the ‘Oohh D’ has pulled him out of his depression, but I can’t wait to see how

Goddamnit, the postman had better deliver my Veronica Mars Season Three DVD tomorrow, or I will be ever so sad.

Now that’s done, let us open the floor to this:

http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-Editors-Blog/Ausiello-Report/Exclusive-Nbc-Planning/800025959

Aside from pointing out that implying Gray’s Anatomy created the spin off of is like saying that Radiohead invented the downloadable CD, the article raises many questions: Why couldn’t they find a more recent press photo? Why can’t I have contacts, and will I ever get any? Why I am so interested in watching Everybody Love Raymond at 1am?

These questions, while interesting, are mainly my roundabout way of actually discussing that the article is about, and that my friends, results in a mixture of bemusement and intrigue. I think it would be fascinating to see how America would handle a totally new Office, not a reworking of the British one. I mean, it’s certainty been proven that they can do the whole Serious-Comedy thing well, but two Offices? Eh, I don’t know.

At least for myself, the involvement of Greg Daniels will dictate how interested I am in the supposed spinoff. Not only has he done a lot for the Office, but he has also written some of the best episodes of the Simpsons, and of course there’s the whole King Of The Hill thing.

Also, why have I talked so much about so much about something that will probably never happen? I feel like I’m Al Gore (ZING!)

The Long Road Out Of Eden: First Listen Through

Join me friend, on a journey into the twisted psyche of Four cranky old men, one of which of nobody knows the name of.

That’s right, You can join me on my first listen to the new Eagles CD. You can be totally under whelmed with my thoughts as I become more and more under whelmed with this CD. Or I might even like it, who knows?

CD 1:

‘No More Walks in the Wood’

Oh look, it’s the Eagles. It’s been 20 odd years since they’ve released any music. So, what makes them think that whining is the best way to reintroduce themselves back into the market? Hey Don, you arrogant, condescending freak, I didn’t care about your opinions before you tried to knock up a boozed out 16 year old, so why would I care what you think after I lost whatever little respect I had for you?

That being said, it’s a pretty okay introduction to a CD. It reminds me a little of ‘I Did Not Understand’ by Elliot Smith, the whole vocals as instruments thing. In fact, it was even kind of ‘Beach Boysey’ (made up word!)

Through the image process of Don Henley ‘making love’ in the forest is not one I needed (individual readers may differ from me…)

‘How Long’

Okay I lied. I heard this song months ago, so it’s hardly initial impressions.

I mean, it sounds like classic Eagles, probably because it is classic Eagles, as it written in the late Triassic era, or whenever the Eagles where popular. Joke! I totally know when the Eagles were popular! Wasn’t it like the 30’s or something?

It’s putting the album off to a consistent start, I mean, whatever the Eagles have been doing for the last 20 years, it sure as heck isn’t redefining their sound. Which is good, some things are fine the way they are.

‘Busy Being Fabulous ‘

As I said, The Eagles haven’t changed their style since we last heard them (perhaps they were ‘Busy Being Lazy’ ZING!). I hate the name, it sounds terribly corny, but the song itself is kind of sweet (again revealing my girly side). Probably the best song so far, although that’s like saying you’re the most attractive woman in Britain.

Worst Line of the album thus far: ‘You think that Time is just a magazine’. Yeah, and Don Henley thinks that a metaphor is something to bludgeon us over the head with.

‘What Do I Do With My Heart’

Good Lord! What is Phil Collins doing on my Eagles CD? Wasn’t he vanquished in the great drummer purge of ’03? Apparently not, as he (or his doppelganger) has joined the Eagles.

Seriously, it feels like Desperado II, except worse. Seriously, what is with the David Brent like backing vocals from 2.50 onwards?

Can’t say I’m too much of a fan on this right now. Maybe they should call it ‘What did I do with my Heart? , as it seems to mostly lack real songwriting, and was just a bunch of clichés sewn together ( just like this!)

‘Guilty of the Crime’

Guilty of What? Now writing your own songs? Letting Joe Walsh’s bloated corpse attempt to sing (I’m assuming it’s Joe Walsh..)? Whatever the crime, apparently the Eagles got off Scott-free, and the listener is being punished by having to listen to this album rapidly approaching mediocrity

‘I Don't Want To Hear Anymore’

I Don't Want To Hear Anymore? Irony? Because that’s just what I was thinking about this CD! Seriously though, does the opening riff sounds a lot like Slow Burning in a Dancing Room by Mr John Mayer? Or are my ears playing tricks on me again?

I don’t why they got the guy who nobody cares about to sing this*, but it was a good decision, as he kills it. The chorus in general is good enough to make me go scampering for adjectives for ‘awesome’

Song of the CD thus far, you heard it here first. Although the fact that nobody from the Eagles actually wrote it is a little disconcerting, but whatever right?

*That actually a misnomer, as none of the Eagles are particularly important.

‘Waiting in the Weeds’

Hey, a clearly audible acoustic guitar. That’s nice. Another nice chorus? Even Better! Don Henley using the term ‘Dog Days’ in back to back lines? Eh, not so much, but the CD is certainly starting to pick up. I can’t really complain about this song, it’s pretty damn good. I’m not even bored of it, even though it clocks in at almost 8 minutes long. And I have a mind that wanders faster than a (writer did not finish metaphor, instead opting to think of what crazy thing Blair will do next on Gossip Girl)

Touché Mr Henley, Touché

‘No More Cloudy Days’

Eh. I don’t know what to say. Its okay I guess. It’s the Hilary Duff of the CD. I mean, its okay, but there are better (and worse) out there (no offence to whomever is dating Ms Duff at this time).

‘Fast Company’

Yeah, some falsetto action! Finally we can hear the Eagles soaring (zing!) to those upper registers! I also must commend Mr Walsh, as I particularly liked the guitar. It wasn’t face meltingly brilliant or anything, just held the song together well.

To be honest it sounded like the soundtrack to a bad 1980’s movie, but at the same time something that could have been off of Hotel California. Does that mean that I’m implying that Hotel California sounds like a soundtrack to a bad 80’s movie? Eh, of course not, damn you for inferring that!

‘Do Something’

Would be fair to say that this is the most country song thus far? Pedal Steel guitars and vocal harmonizing always made happy(ish), and this song had them. Although it was already face smackingly obvious, this song demonstrates how much more recent bands I love (The Jayhawks and Low Stars) have taken from the early CDs of the Eagles. Felt very much like a classic Eagles song, which brings me a new point:

I would like to stray from my prepared remarks and talk about how the Eagles have done a commendable job (thus far) on this CD of bridging the gap between their works pre and post Hotel California. I will be sure (as you care so much for my opinion) to keep you informed of my thoughts on this matter. But onto the next song!

‘You Are Not Alone’

Speaking of Low Stars, this song reminds me so much of L.A Forever (one of their better songs) that it’s scary. These two songs could be related damn it. The guitars and lyrical theme are so similar, and it makes me happy. They are like Peanut Butter and Jam, or Jim Halpert and Pam Beesley, they go together perfectly.

What’s more, both of them are perfect CD closers, and debatably the best songs of the album.

Well, that’s the first CD down, and thus far my feelings are pretty positive. Sure nothings perfect, but what is (except for Kristen Bell, that girl could out-cute puppies dressed as firefighters. Hell, she doesn’t even make bad career decisions. Deadwood. Veronica Mars. Heroes. Gossip Girl. Wow, this is way too long and shouldn’t be in brackets)?

CD 2:

‘The Long Road Out Of Eden’

Hey look, It’s Don Henley! And he’s up on his pedestal again. I can understand why he hates America though; I mean they’ve only bought millions upon millions of his CD’s.

Damn him for actually making this song decent, and thus negating all the witty attacks I had prepared. This is song freaking epic. Don Henley and company really step up their game, as the lyrics were incredible. Plus there was a guitar solo, something that had been lacking from the first half.

Can you hear that? That’s the sound of me hoping that they don’t futz it up with more poltical talk.

I Dreamed There Was No War

I dreamt that this song didn’t exist, as it brought nothing to nobody. Little interludes have always been popular with the Eagles, so whatever. On with the show.

"Somebody"

Introduction sounds kind of Springsteenish. The rest is like everything else on the album.

"Frail Grasp on the Big Picture"

Eh, if journalists aren’t reporting properly anymore then maybe we should get Don Henley to tell us the news. After all it seems that he knows everything. Americans think that is god American? Well, thank goodness that no other country in the world thinks that god belongs to their national ethnicity. Hell, I’m sure the reason that people are slamming airplanes into buildings is because they’re pissed that god is American, right Don?

Winner of worst song thus far, and one of the strongest reasons why Don Henley needs a Mack truck driven upside his head.

"Last Good Time in Town"

Okay, so the whispered vocals are as annoying/scary as anything that ever existed on this earth, but the rest of the song is pretty good. Although, it’s the first song that I really feel like taking exception to the length with. Sure, you’re a recluse, but you don’t need seven and a bit minutes to explain it, that’s overkill on a Peter Jackson-esque scale

"I Love To Watch a Woman Dance"

I love this song. What else is there to say? Is there were more songs like this I wouldn’t need to be a misanthrope. Okay, that’s not true, I’d still be one because I want to be like Dr House, but I’d be a whole lot happier.

It brings to mind Whiskeytown’s ‘Dancing with the Women at the Bar’, perhaps primarily because of the title and nothing else

‘She likes the slow songs of love lost’. I love this line, and the whole verse in general Best song of the Second CD, and The Long Road out of Eden in general. Hell, right now it’s up there with Hollywood Waltz as their best effort full stop.

I hate to rub salt into the wounds of this increasingly Fleetwood Mac-esque comeback, but the Eagles had nothing to with the writing of this song.

Take from that what you will.

"Business as Usual"

Business as Usual for the preceding 80 or so minutes.

Don Henley- Can’t shut up about politics and how evil we all are, despite giving him money.

Me- Generally under whelmed at whatever comes out of Mr Henley’s yapper.

"Center of the Universe"

Is what Don Henley thinks he is

. Can you guess that I’m getting slightly sick of listening to him and his condescending noise racket he calls a backup band?

I guess this song was okay though, as a trend I’m finding myself enjoying the acoustic/ country sounding songs much more then the more rock driven ones.

"It's Your World Now"

Eh, you can cover up mediocrity with a Mariachi band, but it’s still going to smell like it’s 5/10. It’s a good end to a CD though, although I think that “You are Not Alone’ would have been a better fit, but whatever right?

Final thoughts

Well, that is, as Truman would say, the whole Kit and Caboodle (what does that mean?). This certainly isn’t a review, merely my thoughts as on the first listen through. I have no doubt that it’s mostly incoherent rambling, and doubt that anybody will ever actually read it.

Every Eagles album has their weak tracks (except for maybe Hotel California), and this one had more, what with it being a double album and all. I loved some tracks, and I’m sure that some I was despondent to initially will grow on me. But some I totally hated, partly because of musical direction, partly because Don Henley, like most good musicians, is a bit of an ass.

Now I have to wonder how I wrote 2000 words on a damn Eagles CD. Or why, for that matter.

Things I discovered/thought/mused on during the ARIAs.

-I really hate (or cannot fathom) 90% of Australian music. For all the industry’s talk of tyring to move from the Australian Idol effect, tonight felt the total opposite.

-Although I don’t care for them, Powderfinger looked badass in that opening sweep on their song. I’ve always wondered what would happened if the bloated corpses of the Eagles were dug up, given botox and made metro sexual. Now I know the answer.

-I was kind of happy that John Butler won that first award instead of gimmicky/quirky/ just plain fucking obtuse band of the week. This quickly changed once he opened his smug, condescending mouth to boast about how everyone was going to Conservative hell except for him.

-Missy Higgins looks more and more like Peter Petrelli every day. This may or may not be a bad thing for her career, depending if Peter joins a cross-dressing Irish cabaret during the second season of Heroes. Fingers crossed.

-Rove: You are simply not funny, and for once I think that the audience agrees with me. I mean, did anyone laugh at his joke? Outsourcing to India? That doesn’t even make sense!

-Dave Hughes: Ditto, but I have the number for a dentist you may want. Oh, and why the fuck are you recycling unfunny Tic-Tac jokes from two ago.

-‘Good Luck Chuck’ is rated MA15+, yet (to the best of my very limited knowledge) Jessica Alba shows nothing. Why is this?

-I do not care who Darren ‘is that an Asian in the audience?’ Hayes has a gay crush on. I do not care about him period. Why is he annoying and me and trying to reinvigorate his backyard abortion of a career.

- James Mathison is a dreamboat.

-Veronica with the Guitar: Yes. Veronica without the guitar: Oh Dear God Yes.

-Sneaky Sound System: You are the most fucking annoying anything in Australia. You are not clever, you are at best, Rogue Traders light. Funny, since I’d think that should make you a good thing, as it ought to mean less of what makes them bad.

Why do the two men do nothing on stage? Why is one of them like 50 years old? I’m going to assume that that they are however, the ‘brains of the organization considering the difficulty the woman has in difficulty stringing a word together.

-Fans of Sneaky Sound System: Fuck you and your stupid clubs. You are listening to the musical equivalent of the dumbest, most untalented, fattest Baldwin brother. You could be watching 30 Rock, yet you do not. You rent Stephen Baldwin’s direct to DVD shit fest.

-Fleetwood Mac is now my favorite band. It’s perhaps a disturbing trait that I get the same feeling realizing I love a band that I do when I realize I like a girl.

Is that wrong? If so, I don’t care, Lindsay Buckingham’s guitar and Stevie Nick’s voice are like cocaine for the ears (perhaps a particularly apt analogy given the things I hear about Ms Nicks). Vocals on Little Lies? Guitar on Go Insane? Tusk or Rumors in general? Fuck Yes.

-That being to said to need to be a real asshole to break up with a girl and then make girl sing backup vocals on a song about said breakup. Ice Cold shit.

-I have no realized that I will never be able to play Clap one millionth as well as Steve Howe does. My hat is to you, and your acoustic awesomeness. I will now go back to crying about my incredible ineptitude. That is 100% serious. I will.

-Bigstar? Most underrated band ever. Velvet Underground and their transvestite of a singer can fuck back to Transylvania (yes, I realize what’s wrong with everything in that statement). Alex Chilton really deserves his dues as a songwriter. If Elliott Smith covered something you’d written, then you have my undying love. Yes, he did also cover a Nico song, but that was written by Jackson Browne, so I’m safe, if loving Jackson Browne can be classified as safe.

-I now love Gossip Girl. I enjoyed it before, but only because it was OC Lite, and Blair was perhaps the hottest thing on TV (perhaps). After getting totally up to date, I’m really enjoying it. Funnily enough, the more I say that the less secure I am about my sexuality.

Storytime: Heroes 0205: Fight or Flight

So far this season I have to commend Heroes, as answers have been as easy to come by as self-satisfaction and smug shit eating grins in an Oceans movie (sorry…) Fight or Flight was the first episode I really felt bucked the trend, which is indubitably a sign of things to come, given that the writers seem to think that we’re mushrooms* (sorry…)

So, Kristen Bell eh? Kudos to Heroes for switching of one disturbingly cute blonde girl for another, as Claire didn’t appear in this episode. It’s has of course only been one episode, so I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but her character was kind of underwhelming. Elle felt very ‘been there’, and felt kind or ‘Marsy’ (made up word) at times. Granted, Ms Mars never made Irishmen resemble overcooked Peking Duck , but the whole detective for daddy thing? Eh, kind of under whelmed.

That being said, Veronica Mars is one of my three television golden cows, so I had best watch my words. Additionally, it’s only the first episode with her character, so I’d imagine that answers are going to be stretched out for long, long time.

For example, we’ve only just met Parkman’s father, who seems as slippery as some sort of slippery sea creature who’s just bathed in oil (negating the water effect I’d imagine). The whole nightmare/ pitting Petrelli/Parkman aginast each other was kind of cool. I hope that the writers explain how exactly Maury (awesome name) did it.

I’d hate to take anything for granted, but can we safely assume that Parkman Sr is pretty implicitly implicated in the murder of Mr Nakamura? I think he is going to particularly interesting, as he is at least talking of having some honorable motives. Am I totally wrong in assuming that he became disenfranchised with Linderman and company and that the murders are some kind of belated payback? Almost certainly, but it’s the best my troubled head can conjure up. Could he have planted the picture of himself in anticipation, as he knew that someone was inevitably going to come after him? Again, probably not, but humor me here, as there is just as much evidence that he is as just as innocent as the other members of his party.

Thankfully Suresh is the responsible individual in our crazy ‘The Odd Couple’ scenario, as he gets Molly into the caring arms of the Company, whilst at the same time plotting to bring them down with Bennet. I’m really interested to see how this Alias type storyline of bringing down an organization from the inside, especially now that Suresh has something to lose, with Molly being in the control.

I’m curious as to how Bob actually obtained the whereabouts and identity of Monica, as young Molly is in a coma. I’d imagine that Niki wouldn’t say a word of the whereabouts of Micah, and that seems to be the only unifying thread between the two.

Peter Petrelli, aside from being in a position I’d envy (being chased by Kristen Bell! ZING!) continues to be one of the stronger plots of this season. Make no mistake, I still haven’t forgiven him for getting rid of his emo-swipe, but the whole ‘Irish eyes are Smiling’ romance is kind of cute. Although really, if your significant others brother has just died is it really that clever to immediately blurt out that you are somehow indirectly responsible? I mean, that’s a real class act there.

I think we can safely assume that Peter and Elle have had some kind of contact before. The glaringly obvious point that both of them can shoot lightning seems to be the unifying thread between the two, as Peter mimics her power (Unless I have shitty memory and someone could do that in the first season…)

Last weeks other no show Hiro continues to underwhelm like nothing else. Tonight his ancient Japanese escapades were mercifully short. Please, let’s bring Hiro back to the present time: Sure he was only kind of out of place in the present day, but compared to Ancient Japan he fits in like mopiness at a Death Cab concert.

And goddamnit, if Enrico Colantoni had a cameo in that last phone conversation then my universe may have just imploded out of pure awesomeness.

Since he didn’t appear in this episode I shall put it in the conclusion: After rewatching the Office season 3 finale I recognized that West as being none other than Hunter, Jan’s band involved assistant. So, all is forgiven**

*Keeping us in the dark! Get it?

** Yes, I completely understand that I am forgiving a fictional character (who did nothing to me) for being played by the same actor as another character in a totally unrelated series. But I don’t care.

Friday Night Boredom

You know, for all the shit that they’re given I think that Americans are a pretty cluey bunch. Remember that insipidly annoying Crazy Frog Ringtone? Whilst it rocketed to number in seven countries it didn’t make a dent in the United States top 50.
The latest act of mercy by our North American friends was the cancellation of the CW show Online Nation after four episodes..

Now I don’t know about you, but when a show is cancelled after a month, my first idea isn’t generally to make an abdominally shitty clone for Australian TV.
In fact I’d run like I run from Rolling Stone when it continually tries to shove Hunter S. Thomson’s bloated corpse onto every fucking cover of it’s magazine to appeal to drug addled stoners. Okay we get it, the dude was fucking off his tree, but he’s deader than an STD free Lindsay Lohan (I still love you Lindsay!)

Apparently though, what I thought to be a cohesive thought process was actually as unstable as my generally shoddy pop culture metaphors, as Ten thought that a show consisting of video clips farmed from the internet was the best fucking idea since televised ethnic marriages. Yes, that was a Yasmin reference. I positively ooze class.

Remember when Youtube started ever so long ago, and you saw all those kind of funny clips from Japan/people hilariously hurting themselves and thought ‘Hey that’s kind of funny!’ then forget about them once the next Quasar sex tape hit?

Well now, years later, you can have the pleasure of seeing in all their badly pixilated glory! At a set time! With an audience, who judging by the constant warnings to ‘not try this at home’ have a collective IQ in the mid 40’s! What’s more, you’ll have additional commentary with the three people who made make continually question the lack of Chlorine in the human gene pool:

1: Mike ‘Someone get me and shit eating grin back to late television’ Goldman. Thanks Mike, but I’ll talk to be my Grandmother if I want to talk to someone who’s knows shit about Pop culture (Love You Nan!)

Actually, I would like that first comment stricken from the record. I’ve hated that asshole ever since he pushed by Letterman to 2.30am. I know I have the Neon disease, but to have that kind of dedication I’d have to be lit up like fucking Kings Crossing (which I’m assuming is Neon rich due to it’s shady reputation).

2: Bree, the blonde chick who may be attractive, pending an upcoming coin toss (Results will be live blogged later). I think her actual role on the show, judging from tonight, is to constantly give a vacant, bemused look into the camera at all times. Also, after reading her Wikipedia I discovered that she had cancer, so I feel like an asshole for being mean to her.

3: Ryan ‘how the fuck have I remembered to breathe for 31 years?’ Fitzgerald. From what I’ve been able to discern his role involves him stating what is happening in the current video. Not saying anything interesting, but actually saying what is nobody without glaucoma is fucking oblivious too. The guy dancing has one leg? No Fucking Shit! I thought it was a thyroid problem that gave him that whole one leg appearance, thanks for clearing that up, you adorable pseudo celebrity of a metro sexual you.

To be fair, I am being a bit of an asshole, as Australian TV in general in a pretty shitty state, but this show is a fucking abortion (yeah, classy I know). I swear to god if this show isn’t cancelled within the same timeframe it’s US counterpart I will seriously consider my future on planet Earth.

Also, due to my digressing from my prepared remarks, the thoughts on Heroes that I had so carefully labored on will be delayed 24 hours. So tomorrow, the Office and Heroes, double team! Believe!

Storytime: Prison Break 0305 Interference

I think, for me at least, the next episode (or maybe two) is going to dictate how strong a note Prison Break ends on. If it continues at it’s current pace and the Schofield and company exit Sona in a timely manner then I feel that the season has a fighting chance. However, if the writers decide to futz around and delay the escape then I think they may encounter some problems, especially with ending the numerous plotlines still open. There is a lot to do in the 19 episodes or so left in the series
I have all extremities (yes, all of them) crossed that the writers aren’t so stupid as to conform to the latter, especially considering the great set up that Interference has created.

The main problem confronting the former is the introduction of a new character (who is unnamed at this stage right?) in a most Lost like way. And I don’t like Lost damnit, if I want to be denied satisfaction and have a vague notion that people are laughing at me then I’ll talk to a girl (well I won’t, but that’s another story, Lost-esque in itself). This is Prison Break, which is generally pretty good at giving answers in a quick manner.

Really, did anyone not figure that Whistler’s story wasn’t kosher? I generally make a note not to trust Australians (which makes life difficult) and I am especially wary of trusting Australians stuck halfway from home in Panama prison. I doubt that our unnamed friend will unravel the whole escape plan; rather he’ll just add more questions to inevitably (or not) answer.

Just as Whistlers story is gradually coming out, I imagine (or hope…) that the same will be done to the latest Sona inductee. I mean, I think that we can safely assume that he didn’t just stumble into Sona for a DWI (or DOA…) and there is some sort on sneaky shenanigans at hand. Maybe he’ll actually have a hand in the escape, I imagine that he’ll be accompanying them out what ever the case.

Speaking of that, the whole concept of the numbers involved in the escape is pretty interesting. I mean, there are still regular characters that are not yet in on the place, and it’s kind of difficult to believe that Prison Break would just abandon them down old South America way. So I dunno, maybe a full blown Prison revolt and the whole jail gets out, or characters such as T-Bag could meet their demise in Sona.

As much as I’d like to see Prison Break break (sorry…) out and something interesting like that, I think it’s probably going to play in the same way as season one with T-Bag seeing some he shouldn’t, thus hitching his wagon onto the escape train.

Speaking of the escape, I’m really enjoying the way that it’s coming together to be a very sketchy affair. It stands in stark contrast to the meticulously planned escape of the first season. This is nothing but balls-to-the-wall relying of coincidental craziness.
But really, where are the other prisoners? Why is Schofield running around like some tattooed fucking gremlin stealing everything in sight?

I probably haven’t talked about what actually happened on Interference and that’s because as I said, it really feels like a set up episode. What’s more, nothing really interesting happened outside of the escape plan. The Sucre B-Story felt kind of stupid, uninteresting and so obviously tacked on to feature prominently in another episode it wasn’t funny, and T-Bag still being sleazy? Meh. The only thing that struck me as cool was the duality of Mahone as being either helpful or in a Season Three Jack Bauer like state of withdrawal (although not as awesome).

The Office: 0404: Money

As the seasons of the Office gradually roll on towards the great home in the sky for TV shows, the writers must find new locales, as the traditional Office setting perhaps becomes more difficult to write for. It’s perfectly understandable to expect some amount of fluctuation in the quality when this happens, as there’s a pretty clear locale-number to quality ratio in television: The more show locales, the worse the quality of said show.

That being said, Money, or even the Office at large, is making me eat crow (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write) Tonight’s episode (along with Business School in season three) demonstrated that the Office can travel to an obscure location, still be poignantly funny, and have a core that resonates emotionally.

I think perhaps the main difference between the Office and other shows this that whilst other shows turn to different locations to rekindle interest, the Office has no choice but to move to continue the character development.

For example, would viewers have really been able to grasp the desperation of Michaels situation had he not had to work another job? Or could Pam and Jim’s relationship have really moved forward with the show still stuck in the Office?

Of the two I particularly liked the crazy, upside telemarketing office where Michael is respected, although holds no position of power. It demonstrated that Michael can probably be a perfectly likable person, and even kind of funny, maybe it’s a little like how he operated at Dunder Mifflin before he went crazy with power.

Michael in general was great throughout the episode, Paul Liberstein really succeeded in making Michael an emotionally viable character, a position that is generally overlooked in favor of (sometimes outright) zaniness (which this episode still had).

Speaking of zaniness, Dwight’s farm perhaps wasn’t as grounded in rational thought as the alterna-office, but still gave us a somewhat disturbing look in Dwight’s home life. More Moss is always a treat, and the way it was handled turned a potential tragedy in a wonderfully sweet detour from the Office.

That, and the totally shocked ‘What Century is This?’ was already entered my everyday vocabulary.

After almost being an ass last week, I feel that Jim returned to character. Oh lord, the ‘I’m in Love with Italian food’ line? Or the speech to Dwight, that almost felt sarcastic at times, but was still (as a straight male) disturbingly sweet. Damn it, this show continually just breaks down the fact that I’m a total fucking pussy.

I think that the whole PB&J relationship could be a signal of how great the Office could be, and what exactly its legacy is going to entail. I’d be disappointed if the writers treated the whole relationship as some sort of commodity used to heighten ratings during sweeps, or whatever the occasion may be. I mean, wouldn’t it be nice if they were just happy? In stark opposition to almost every TV show ever?

Even though I promised I’d stop the comparisons, this episode captured the melancholy feeling of the UK one (see? It wasn’t a real comparison, just an observation.). I hope that the season continues this, although I’m not sure if I’m happy that the hour long episodes are finished or not. I mean, hour episodes are a treat, and they have had some depth, but I feel like it’s home is in the short, sharp half hour episodes.

Whatever the case, Season is in great form, and is ramping every aspect up. Increased focus on the office itself (with the Dunder Mifflin Infinity theme) and relationships in general (although I’m sure as hell not sold on the whole Darryl-Kelly debacle).

Storytime: Heroes 0204: The Kindness of Strangers

For all it’s talk of just being about average, diverse people, Heroes has a knack for keeping it in the family to a degree that the Bluth family would envy. I can only imagine that perhaps one of the goals of the Origins spin off is to give the series some much needed diversity.

Speaking of diversity, or lack thereof, where were Hiro and Peter tonight? I’ve been enjoying the Heroes incursion into Ireland, and the sooner that the ‘Hiro in the past story’ arc finishes the better, so it was a little disappointing for them to both be no shows.

Last week I got a little bit cruel in regards to what seemed to be pretty crappy dialogue in some scenes (those guilty know who they are), and commented that it was only because Heroes can do better. Kindness to Strangers continued largely continued this theme (how many inner city black kids have the term ‘stay of execution’ in their common vocabulary?), but it did have some good moments. The Mother-Son Petrelli conversation was well done, and I’ll admit, the ‘I never want to see you fall’ line was kind of cute. There, I said it, I’m a pussy.
On that note, I have no doubt that West is going to be an interesting character eventually, but now watching him is more draining then Thousand Cut torture on a hemophiliac (Fuck…Sorry). I'm particularly interested to see how such a pipsqueak deals with Mr Bennett, as implied in that rather awesome looking piece of artwork.

My other criticisms from last week still stand, as one boring matriarch is replaced by another down in New Orleans. Newcomer Monica’s power is actually rather interesting, and the possibilities for ass whooping were set up well in the last couple of minutes. But seriously, I’m sure that Katrina montage would be moving to someone who lived through it, but to me it just seemed out of place and contrived.

The most dysfunctional same sex-different race household in New York also found themselves in trouble this week, and continued the family ties theme. Parkman found himself in some Daddy drama, and unselfishly endangered a young girl. Gee, I wonder why his wife was cheating on him? Seriously, the last minute kicked ass, it built up tension and left us on a cliff hanger. I don’t really care for Molly as a character, but come on, it’s a kid in trouble, that sucks.

For a character that I really cared little about in season one, Sylar has grown on me. His nonchalant ‘who them?’ acting when quizzed about his homicidal cohorts took the episode for me. His calculated evilness was also rather disturbing, what with turning the brick on the gringo, leaving him now alone with Herraras. Are we perhaps seeing his ascent (or is that descent?) to the throne of supervillian. As for the Herraras, the sooner that Sylar cracks open their heads and feasts on the goo inside the better

I’d hesitate to say it’s been the best episode of the season thus far, it was certainly a good one. I still think the ‘Claire’s Car’ subplot is one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve seen in my life, and is relying far too heavy on coincidence. This isn’t an episode of Frasier damnit.

Note: I’m trying to use less Arrested Development references, but I can’t help it. Sorry.

I have nothing to write about 'cept things that happen.

John Heder is headlining another movie.

George Lucas is making a direct to TV Star Wars series.

I’m not sure which is scarier. Fuck, I’ve wrestled alligators blindfolded, and that seems totally tame compared these incoming treats.
Nobody has underwhelmed me more then real world Ralph Wiggum, and nobody consistently insults what little intelligence I have than Lucas, thus they are being sewn together in a rat-bird like post.

Honestly, I hate saying assholish things about people. I’d like to say that Heder isn’t to blame, and that a retarded monkey makes his film choices, but damn it, a monkey (retarded or not) could make better choices than The Bench Warmers.

Lucas said that he wanted the series to be about ‘the life of robots’. Considering the life he has given to shoddy, annoying, mainly plagiarized premises and annoying fucking creatures, I’m fascinated to see how he breathes life into annoying machinery.
Hey, maybe he could ‘Scrubs’ it, and every episode could insult us by playing whatever shitty acoustic is hot that week, accompanying the characters realizing some stupid yet totally obvious pseudo point that they were previously totally fucking oblivious to.

Or hey, if they really want the TV show to be a disappointment then they could just rename it ‘Life’

Note: In that last line I’m not sure if I was referring to the show or life itself, both are pretty mediocre most of the time.

Note Note: Blades of Glory is perhaps the Heder exception, but only because of Will Arnett and Jenna Fischer. But I’m totally willing to be proven wrong.

I love you John. XOXO

Link: http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/ap/20071016/119260332000.html

Springsteen covers Arcade: The world reacts.

In a move sure to make hipsters confused and anixious (well, more so than usual) and baby-boomers rushing to find the nearest copy of Funeral, stereogum via The AV club reported that Bruce Springsteen covered an Arcade Fire song on the weekend.

I’m not sure what song it was, and to be blatantly honest I don’t care to find out. I guess it makes sense that it makes that Springsteen would choose to continue his gradual descent into mediocrity by covering a song by the most mind numbingly overrated band this side of anywhere.

Sure, the man has stayed current for god knows how long, but I imagine that much of that is due to fans willing to irrationally ham over anything he releases, and they seem to be dying at a pretty alarming rate. Thus, a problem emerges, once people new to Springsteen realize that nothing he’s released in the last 20 years has peeked its ugly Americana driven head over the wall of mediocrity they are going to run like there’s been a draft announced.

Still if he wants to appeal to a younger, mopeier fan base I want to give him suggestions, along with a copy of Darkness for him to sign

-Steal a fan’s basketball, then act like an ass about it. Fan’s love musicians who don’t respect or like them, hell, look at Bob Dylan.

-Get Kirsten Dunst to say concise, non hyperbolic statements about your music. This will get your name known to the three remaining people who can stand the fucking sight of her.

-Dude, do a concept album that’s not all that conceptual, that’d be deep.

Note: I don’t even really hate either of the artists mentioned, I just felt like being an asshole and writing something other then shitty TV pseudo reviews. Oh, and I don’t still don’t like Kristen Dunst, but The Rising was pretty awesome.

Original Story: http://www.stereogum.com/archives/video/bruce-springsteen-covers-arcade-fire-joined-by-win.html#more

Storytime: The Office 0403: Launch Party.

So, am I wrong in thinking that Jim was an ass? I mean, kicking a man when he’s down like that. Then the way that he took the pizza? Decidedly not cool. In terms of personality it felt like Dwight and Jim did a straight swap throughout much of this episode It was kind of easy to empathize with Dwight over his situation with Angela (who it appears is turning to be the Office mattress…). Dwight was the poor guy after the girl that he has no change with, and Jim was mainly unlikable a position that Dwight generally has on lockdown.

When not battling against a machine, Dwight was in fine form, first unsuccessfully trying to win back Angela in quite possibly the most inane way ever, and then play ‘cop Dwight’, something which is always funny.

Andy a-wooing Angela was not only a funny B-story but it was also a relief to see Andy actually being used as a plot device, not just a Ralph Wiggum (or Creed Bratton for that matter…) like non-sequitur machine. Andy is certainly one of the more interesting characters (educated at Cornell don’t cha know?) and him duking it out mano a mano with Dwight for Angela’s affections ought to prove interesting.

Elsewhere I’ll admit that I was a little skeptical of the whole ‘hostage situation’ plotline, but it was handled in a very gentle way. The kid was created to be very unlikable and Michael’s gradual shift in realizing that exactly he’s done was comedy gold, and also sold the whole plot device well. His relationship with his ‘brainchild’ Ryan seems to have moved from self-feigning friendship to full blown animosity, evident not only from the ‘asshole’ comment, but also form his amusing tirade at the end of the episode.

I’m sure I’m not the only who’s thinking that the first three episodes are setting Michael up for a David Brent like fall from grace. Perhaps not a firing, as I imagine that Greg Daniels and company aren’t eager to have Steve Carrell leaving, maybe a demotion or something? It seems to parallel what happened to Pam throughout the third season, with a gradual change into a new character.

Launch Party generally felt like it was meant to be an emotional episode, but had nowhere the impact of episodes done in a similar vein. Sure it had some touching moments (Dwight’s eventual triumph, Jim and Pam on the roof), but it feels like they weren’t quite the emotional triumph that the writers wanted them to be.

The UK influence felt much more prevalent in this episode, as much as I hate to compare the two, because the US has really created its own unique spin. Maybe it was the lack of resolution at the end, or the decidedly darker tone throughout the episode. It kind of felt like how Season One should have been done, with the two distinct US and UK influences combining to be a pretty entertaining episode.

Story Time: Heroes 0203: Kindred

Heroes has a gimmick, which has a problem. The gimmick? What happens when average people get superpowers? The problem? Most average people are generally unlikable. The first season dodged this problem pretty well, creating a mostly likable ensemble of characters (bar the most annoying family in the known Universe, leaving even the Bush family trailing in the dust*). In the second season however, heroes seem to consist of either unmitigated douche baggery, or just plain uninteresting characters.

The Spanish brother and Sister are quickly solidifying their role as this seasons Nicky and D.L (without the child together I’d assume) as we follow them through their continually tedious journey through Southern America. This week’s episode saw them taking a detour through a Mexican jail (seriously, when stealing a car, try looking 30 feet away form you!). After another use of their ‘power’, they manage to befriend a North Americano (complete with Nissan Rouge, the car of your dreams!)

The other inclusion in this season, that young ‘I can just tell he’s digging that new Dashboard CD’ West, is perhaps the worst character yet.
I have no problem with High School Dramas (damnit, I loved the OC) but when Heroes degenerates into the type of shoddy narrative and characters that have thus far graced this storyline, I feel the need to raise the issue. It’s not like Heroes can’t do that type of story.

Hell, last season Zach was a fine sidekick to Claire’s shenanigans, and even the whole Football rape subplot was more interesting then West.

And can I just say, that flying scene and the lead up to it? Perhaps the dumbest fucking thing I have witnessed in my entire life. Not quite convincing CG, not quite convincing characters and downright bad dialogue managed to create a perfect storm.

If there are any positives to be gleamed from West, it’s the way that he’s likely to be an interesting disruption Claire’s relationship with her father. Her being full of cute teenage angst and him being full of well, rationality.

However, there were good things. Perhaps the biggest surprise (well not really, what with it being in the teasers) was the fact that Sylar is still alive and well. What’s more he is (‘was’ now I guess) accompanied by a GOB Bluth like female. (judging by the way she seemed intent on informing everyone on her ‘Illusions, Michael!’ . The fact that Sylar no longer has is powers was probably kind of inevitable, as the Heroes writers seem to take joy in delaying things as much as possible, starving idiots of information.

This brings us to Peter. Aside from the obvious questions (like why does he have to take his to shirt off to yell random words? Is female viewer ship that low) it was interesting to see some sort of closure and acceptance in out heartwarming little Irish diversion. Is there a possibility that we shall see Peter join the Irish ranks, along with faux accent to boot?

It seems to this viewer that Sylar and Peter are almost at polar opposites. Sylar with knowledge of what happened but no powers, and the opposite the case for Peter. It’ll be interesting to see how this will develop the characters, especially that Peter has the chance to regain at least some knowledge of his prior life

Down ancient Japan way, It seems increasingly likely that Hiro isn’t going to be Kensei, something I’m actually surprised, and slightly disappointed, at. I mean come on, can there being anything cooler then Hiro being his own Hero?

Of course the series is still young, and Hiro’s work seems not yet to be done. I imagine the main problem is that the actual Kensei cannot actually die, so taking his place may prove to be a little difficult. Also, why is Hiro writing to Ando halfway through his adventure? Or am I just seeing things wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time.

Heroes is still plodding along fine, despite the new characters being generally unlikable thus far (I still want Kristen Bell damnit!). I’m probably being a bit harsh, but it’s only because I know that Heroes can do so much better.

*Note: I have no problem with any of the Bushes, but come on, facts are facts.

Holy Dunders, I feel nerdy dirty now.

Goodnight Rose.

Story Time: Supernatural S0302: The Kids are Alright

The season finale for season two left Supernatural in a good place, with two overarching plot points that seemingly had to immediately be dealt with: Dean’s deal with a demon (alliteration!) and the opening of the Demon Gate. Both of these were obviously pretty big deals, and I expected much more this episode to draw from them.

But it wasn’t to be, the writers seemed to have shied away from at least initially dealing with the backlash of the opening on the gate, instead giving us a run of the mill story in The Kids are Alright.

I mean, is there that much to say? Changelings end up making mothers do what Lucille Bluth wanted to, and people continue to demonstrate their endless stupidity (Hmm that power saw came on without notice again? Let me go down unescorted and look.)

This episode in particular demonstrated the resignation of Dean towards his inevitable death, wanting to do nothing but tie up loose ends and women (sorry… straight pitch down the middle and all) and hunt the occasional supernatural being. Is anyone not betting in this resignation coming back to be a major plot point in a later episode?

As is often the case, I find myself enjoying the overall episode but being in two minds concerning whatever ultimate plot points were thrown into the last couple of minutes. Ruby being a demon was an interesting touch, and certainly gives a good opportunity for Dean to get out of his death sentence.

I’m still not convinced with the whole Antichrist/Messiah spiel that that has unfurled around Sam. Personally I enjoyed it when it was straight demon hunting, with the main characters developing in more emotional ways (The almost depression like self questioning has been of the series most interesting ways of developing the characters, and this looks set to continue)

One of the major problems (or perhaps quirks?) or Supernatural has the seeming reluctance to associate what was happening on screen with the ultimate plot points. In the first seasons we generally see 20 or so ‘villain of the week’ type episodes with the first and final two episodes having some resolution to the ultimate plot. This is a fine way of doing things, and his been the case for similar shows before, but as the series continues it might to difficult to fashion 500 words of drivel each week, but we shall see where the road takes us.

So yeah, there’s something to be thankful for.

Tomorrow: Heroes (really late!) or Gossip Girl. It depends.

Story Time: Prison Break 0304: Good Fences

As much as I’d like to open with an overly cruel comment about Prison Break and David Fincher, I just can’t (well actually I can, and have).
After the first three episodes took us a slow stroll through exposition-ville (that’s right, I make new random words at will) this episode elected to at least attempt to further the storyline of our Panama-locked compadres.

To firstly address the elephant (or head as it were) in the room, the writing team should be commended for something of a pretty ballsy choice. The fact that it couldn’t be avoided given off screen complications (children are complications right?) should be taken into account, but come on, the old head in the box? That’s a reasonable departure from Breaks usual conservative use of shock violence. This, combined with Bellick’s “Back-a-chino” (I’m just assuming it was coffee for the sake of that horrendous attempt at a pun) made for a pretty violent episode.

Outside the prison walls, the good country of Panama was also treated to its fair share of horrors, with the car restoration community in particular feeling a deep sense of loss. Whilst he was involved in these shenanigans, Lincoln kept a kept quiet profile throughout this episode.
It’s interesting to at see something of a different facet of Lic’s traditional one dimensional ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ method of achieving goals. We see him chat away with the woman who killed Sara, and then hand over the much sought after “Birds of the Northwest Hemisphere” book with no fight, later presumably carpooling with her to visit the grave digger. I mean come on, taking two cars would have been irrational, something which was no place in this show,
Side Note: This Birds book is seemingly available anywhere, is like Suresh’s book in Heroes? Is it the Da Vinci code of the Break universe?
Of course, acting in a violent manner would have had pretty severe ramifications for his son, but has Lincoln ever been one to think two steps, or even one step ahead?

On the brother side of the barbed wire (heh, see what I did there) Michael’s slow fall from bonafide Bauer competitor to being almost totally inept (reminiscent of Police Cops) seems to be coming to an end. Although his dumbing down was perhaps necessary to the ‘on the run’ conceit of the second season, but I for one and glad to see that he’s back to his old scheming self.

The rest of the Fox River crew have also been settling into their old skins. T-Bags attempt at climbing at the Prison Chain o’ command is an interesting one, not only because it would make a great spin-off. It also opens the possibility for a interesting relationship between him and Mahone, something hinted at in the fading minutes of the show, with Mahone the obeying parasite to T-Bag’s ever disturbing overlord.
Mahones drug addiction in general promises to be reasonably engaging B-Story, especially now that he’s very much aware that he’s on the out with Schofield’s plan, and it’s up to him to get himself out, whilst continuing riding on the good time train (that’s my crappy euphemism for drug use. Clever, no?)

Of course, Good Fences also served up the typical Prison Break faux-surprises (or fauprises). Did anyone not foresee the dramatic reveal that Schofield wasn’t hiding anything in the electric box? Or the fact that Sucre was going to step in and help? And, it it just me or are disturbingly sweet all male reunions ‘in’ this season, with last weeks reunion in Heroes between Noah Bennett and the Haitian stirring deeply confusing feelings in this viewer.

Even though Good Fences shrugged off many of the problem the season initially encountered, it’s still rooted in the deep Break tradition of the big set up, with the coming weeks holding some interesting questions. The most obvious being how exactly is Michael going to act when he inevitably discovers that his one and only bit the big one?

As usual with Break, the Prison is just as much an integral character as any other (as implied in you know, the name and all), and the happenings inside its walls are inherently more interesting than what’s going on outside. None of the these characters are proving particularly engaging, but this is perhaps to change. After all, this season’s premise depends much more so on outside help, rather than Schofield individually masterminding a plan within the confines of prison.

Goodnight Rose.

Well, This is Me...

Hi,

I'm sure you're either: a) Wondering how in holy hell you got here, or, b) You're some of stalker (In that case I hope you're Jenna Fischer). I'm guessing that neither is terribly likely, and these words are being typed into the oblivion that is the internet, never to be heard from again.

But...

To be sure, hi (again) , this is me. I guess I just want to talk about Pop Culture, or whatever things take my unrequited interest. So yeah, I'm basically filling a void that ever so desperately needs to be filled, a snarky whinge about irrelevant matters ( but wait, this one is amusingly inept and use brackets way too much!)

I'm not why I'm doing this, but I guess it makes as much sense as anything else I've ever done, (was that Braffian or what?) I guess it just nice to have a repository of my rubbish and ineptitude, lest I get to ahead of myself and start developing feelings of self confidence or something.


Oh, and I'm not sure if you've heard, but apparently Zak Snyder is in talks to direct a sequel to 300. It called 3000, and it's based on an army on men that have slept with Paris Hilton.
Ah fuck, I'm sorry.

Thanks, and stick around