Join me friend, on a journey into the twisted psyche of Four cranky old men, one of which of nobody knows the name of.
That’s right, You can join me on my first listen to the new Eagles CD. You can be totally under whelmed with my thoughts as I become more and more under whelmed with this CD. Or I might even like it, who knows?
CD 1:
‘No More Walks in the Wood’
Oh look, it’s the Eagles. It’s been 20 odd years since they’ve released any music. So, what makes them think that whining is the best way to reintroduce themselves back into the market? Hey Don, you arrogant, condescending freak, I didn’t care about your opinions before you tried to knock up a boozed out 16 year old, so why would I care what you think after I lost whatever little respect I had for you?
That being said, it’s a pretty okay introduction to a CD. It reminds me a little of ‘I Did Not Understand’ by Elliot Smith, the whole vocals as instruments thing. In fact, it was even kind of ‘Beach Boysey’ (made up word!)
Through the image process of Don Henley ‘making love’ in the forest is not one I needed (individual readers may differ from me…)
‘How Long’
Okay I lied. I heard this song months ago, so it’s hardly initial impressions.
I mean, it sounds like classic Eagles, probably because it is classic Eagles, as it written in the late Triassic era, or whenever the Eagles where popular. Joke! I totally know when the Eagles were popular! Wasn’t it like the 30’s or something?
It’s putting the album off to a consistent start, I mean, whatever the Eagles have been doing for the last 20 years, it sure as heck isn’t redefining their sound. Which is good, some things are fine the way they are.
‘Busy Being Fabulous ‘
As I said, The Eagles haven’t changed their style since we last heard them (perhaps they were ‘Busy Being Lazy’ ZING!). I hate the name, it sounds terribly corny, but the song itself is kind of sweet (again revealing my girly side). Probably the best song so far, although that’s like saying you’re the most attractive woman in
Worst Line of the album thus far: ‘You think that Time is just a magazine’. Yeah, and Don Henley thinks that a metaphor is something to bludgeon us over the head with.
‘What Do I Do With My Heart’
Good Lord! What is Phil Collins doing on my Eagles CD? Wasn’t he vanquished in the great drummer purge of ’03? Apparently not, as he (or his doppelganger) has joined the Eagles.
Seriously, it feels like Desperado II, except worse. Seriously, what is with the David Brent like backing vocals from 2.50 onwards?
Can’t say I’m too much of a fan on this right now. Maybe they should call it ‘What did I do with my Heart? , as it seems to mostly lack real songwriting, and was just a bunch of clichés sewn together ( just like this!)
‘Guilty of the Crime’
Guilty of What? Now writing your own songs? Letting Joe Walsh’s bloated corpse attempt to sing (I’m assuming it’s Joe Walsh..)? Whatever the crime, apparently the Eagles got off Scott-free, and the listener is being punished by having to listen to this album rapidly approaching mediocrity
‘I Don't Want To Hear Anymore’
I Don't Want To Hear Anymore? Irony? Because that’s just what I was thinking about this CD! Seriously though, does the opening riff sounds a lot like Slow Burning in a Dancing Room by Mr John Mayer? Or are my ears playing tricks on me again?
I don’t why they got the guy who nobody cares about to sing this*, but it was a good decision, as he kills it. The chorus in general is good enough to make me go scampering for adjectives for ‘awesome’
Song of the CD thus far, you heard it here first. Although the fact that nobody from the Eagles actually wrote it is a little disconcerting, but whatever right?
*That actually a misnomer, as none of the Eagles are particularly important.
‘Waiting in the Weeds’
Hey, a clearly audible acoustic guitar. That’s nice. Another nice chorus? Even Better! Don Henley using the term ‘Dog Days’ in back to back lines? Eh, not so much, but the CD is certainly starting to pick up. I can’t really complain about this song, it’s pretty damn good. I’m not even bored of it, even though it clocks in at almost 8 minutes long. And I have a mind that wanders faster than a (writer did not finish metaphor, instead opting to think of what crazy thing Blair will do next on Gossip Girl)
Touché Mr Henley, Touché
‘No More Cloudy Days’
Eh. I don’t know what to say. Its okay I guess. It’s the Hilary Duff of the CD. I mean, its okay, but there are better (and worse) out there (no offence to whomever is dating Ms Duff at this time).
‘Fast Company’
Yeah, some falsetto action! Finally we can hear the Eagles soaring (zing!) to those upper registers! I also must commend Mr Walsh, as I particularly liked the guitar. It wasn’t face meltingly brilliant or anything, just held the song together well.
To be honest it sounded like the soundtrack to a bad 1980’s movie, but at the same time something that could have been off of Hotel California. Does that mean that I’m implying that Hotel California sounds like a soundtrack to a bad 80’s movie? Eh, of course not, damn you for inferring that!
‘Do Something’
Would be fair to say that this is the most country song thus far? Pedal Steel guitars and vocal harmonizing always made happy(ish), and this song had them. Although it was already face smackingly obvious, this song demonstrates how much more recent bands I love (The Jayhawks and Low Stars) have taken from the early CDs of the Eagles. Felt very much like a classic Eagles song, which brings me a new point:
I would like to stray from my prepared remarks and talk about how the Eagles have done a commendable job (thus far) on this CD of bridging the gap between their works pre and post Hotel California. I will be sure (as you care so much for my opinion) to keep you informed of my thoughts on this matter. But onto the next song!
‘You Are Not Alone’
Speaking of Low Stars, this song reminds me so much of L.A Forever (one of their better songs) that it’s scary. These two songs could be related damn it. The guitars and lyrical theme are so similar, and it makes me happy. They are like Peanut Butter and Jam, or Jim Halpert and Pam Beesley, they go together perfectly.
What’s more, both of them are perfect CD closers, and debatably the best songs of the album.
Well, that’s the first CD down, and thus far my feelings are pretty positive. Sure nothings perfect, but what is (except for Kristen Bell, that girl could out-cute puppies dressed as firefighters. Hell, she doesn’t even make bad career decisions. Deadwood. Veronica Mars. Heroes. Gossip Girl. Wow, this is way too long and shouldn’t be in brackets)?
CD 2:
‘The Long Road Out Of
Hey look, It’s Don Henley! And he’s up on his pedestal again. I can understand why he hates
Damn him for actually making this song decent, and thus negating all the witty attacks I had prepared. This is song freaking epic. Don Henley and company really step up their game, as the lyrics were incredible. Plus there was a guitar solo, something that had been lacking from the first half.
Can you hear that? That’s the sound of me hoping that they don’t futz it up with more poltical talk.
I Dreamed There Was No War
I dreamt that this song didn’t exist, as it brought nothing to nobody. Little interludes have always been popular with the Eagles, so whatever. On with the show.
"Somebody"
Introduction sounds kind of Springsteenish. The rest is like everything else on the album.
"Frail Grasp on the Big Picture"
Eh, if journalists aren’t reporting properly anymore then maybe we should get Don Henley to tell us the news. After all it seems that he knows everything. Americans think that is god American? Well, thank goodness that no other country in the world thinks that god belongs to their national ethnicity. Hell, I’m sure the reason that people are slamming airplanes into buildings is because they’re pissed that god is American, right Don?
Winner of worst song thus far, and one of the strongest reasons why Don Henley needs a Mack truck driven upside his head.
"Last Good Time in Town"
Okay, so the whispered vocals are as annoying/scary as anything that ever existed on this earth, but the rest of the song is pretty good. Although, it’s the first song that I really feel like taking exception to the length with. Sure, you’re a recluse, but you don’t need seven and a bit minutes to explain it, that’s overkill on a Peter Jackson-esque scale
"I Love To Watch a Woman Dance"
I love this song. What else is there to say? Is there were more songs like this I wouldn’t need to be a misanthrope. Okay, that’s not true, I’d still be one because I want to be like Dr House, but I’d be a whole lot happier.
It brings to mind Whiskeytown’s ‘Dancing with the Women at the Bar’, perhaps primarily because of the title and nothing else
‘She likes the slow songs of love lost’. I love this line, and the whole verse in general Best song of the Second CD, and The Long Road out of
I hate to rub salt into the wounds of this increasingly Fleetwood Mac-esque comeback, but the Eagles had nothing to with the writing of this song.
Take from that what you will.
"Business as Usual"
Business as Usual for the preceding 80 or so minutes.
Don Henley- Can’t shut up about politics and how evil we all are, despite giving him money.
Me- Generally under whelmed at whatever comes out of Mr Henley’s yapper.
"Center of the Universe"
Is what Don Henley thinks he is
. Can you guess that I’m getting slightly sick of listening to him and his condescending noise racket he calls a backup band?
I guess this song was okay though, as a trend I’m finding myself enjoying the acoustic/ country sounding songs much more then the more rock driven ones.
"It's Your World Now"
Eh, you can cover up mediocrity with a Mariachi band, but it’s still going to smell like it’s 5/10. It’s a good end to a CD though, although I think that “You are Not Alone’ would have been a better fit, but whatever right?
Final thoughts
Well, that is, as Truman would say, the whole Kit and Caboodle (what does that mean?). This certainly isn’t a review, merely my thoughts as on the first listen through. I have no doubt that it’s mostly incoherent rambling, and doubt that anybody will ever actually read it.
Every Eagles album has their weak tracks (except for maybe Hotel
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